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- Wed Apr 06, 2005 3:18 am
Hello, i don't know if anyone can help me, i think i may have some kind of eating disorder, i really truely feel huge and ugly although i know im not. i know that doesnt make sense i feel like i have 2 people inside my head one telling me im worthless, and the other saying im fine.
im 20, 5ft5 and weight about 8stone 10 pounds i know that im in the healthy range for my size, but i really restrict my food intake on purpose even when my body shakes and i feel faint i feel good that what im doing like im winning something, i also take ephedrine to take away my hungar, they are only 8mg but i take more than i am meant to.
i feel like my head is obsessed with food im forever thinking about what im going to be eatting next and weight myself daily.
i have a one year old son am i feel lonely during the day, as i have very low self esteem i find it very difficult making friends, i feel trapped as i feel like i cant speak to my doctor as i have had depression in the past and i don't want them to think i cant look after my son. i will not let that happen.
my mother is an alcoholic and i have so much hate and anger inside of me because of my childhood i feel like i have a massive hole inside of me where my mum should be, everytime i think about it i want to cry, after years of trying to help her, i think i have finally come to the conclusion that in my heart my mother is dead, and this person is just an alcoholic i no longer know, or what to get to know.
my family is not very close, and i feel we are all effected i have 2 sisters and a brother, one of my sisters drinks way to much, the other makes up weird storys that i can only think are for attention, and my brother is in a mental hospital.
my father was with us throughout our childhood but was very depressed and when i was 18 he finally left, and has made a new life miles away, but still stays in contact. i don't want to bother him bringing up the past as he has recently been told he has parkinsons, and isnt very well.
my partner is wonderful and very supportive, but i feel that he doent truely understand quite how much this effects me on a day-2-day basis.
i know i need to talk to someone but don't really know how, i don't need anti-depressants i need closure so my life can go on normaly and i don't pass this through to my son, as i fear my sister is doing when she drinks.
i know no one here can probably help me but i feel better for getting this off my chest
thank you for reading
| Dr. Wafaa Abdel-Hadi
- Fri Apr 08, 2005 2:09 pm
I am sorry to hear about your problems,....How old are you Amy? and do you work?....
I just want to tell you, it's not an eating disorder rather than something called phsycosomatic manifestation....it's a way to run away from facing reality when you are depressed...some people sleep alot...some people eat alot...some people drink,etc.
It's a wrong way to face our problems. What has happened to you is in the past now. You seem very lovely ,now you have a wonderful partner as you say and a very cute son...
If you don't work...find your self a job...even a temporary job not a permenant one... you will mingle with people... and your mind will be focused on other stuff than food.
try to exercise from time to time... it's excellent when you are depressed or feeling down... and you will keep fit....
when you eat ...try to eat healthy food...there is this "weightwatcher"" products in Teso and all big supermarkets...they serve very delicious dessert with low calories whenever you feel like eating something sweet.
learn to saw/ tailor, to make Halloween costumes for your son....there are million things to do...always be occupied...you'll feel different...confident and that will change the way you feel about life...keep intouch with your father.
I hope I helped in anyway,
Cheer up...life is simpler than that, u just need to get back to the right track :)
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