So, I've gained about 15-20 kilos in the last month/s or so, and I'm now overweight. I can't see any reason I would be overweight to this extent. I eat fruit and vegitables, meat breads and cheese, in fact all six food groups as my fiance is a bit of a health food nut. I do eat 'junk' food, but no more than anyone else. I also work at a cafe, which means I stand on my feet alot, i do most of the housework at home, if not all of it.
My weight gain is causing me to be very
anxious about almost everything, I'm doubting my partners love, because I'm fat, and I wonder why he would want to be with me, I'm getting so bad I don't want to leave the house anymore, and I can't sleep and when I do finally fall asleep, I don't want to get up. In the last year or so I can't stand going to work, and I get really
anxious before I go, unusally a few days before. I now only work six hours a week, and I still can't stand it. It's not my job though, it's a good job. I can't seem to concentrate on anything latly, I don't' want to spend time with my friends, especially the skinny ones that have 'good' lives. I feel like I don't get enough sympthathy from my friends and family, but they all tell me I'm just 'making a fuss about nothing' and when I go to the doctor - which i can't stand - I always get the same answer, 'eat better and get more exersise' - I was going to gym, in fact I still go, and I always try to eat right.
I know that if i was thirty kilo's lighter I would be much happier with myself, I'd be able to concentrate and I'd probably feel more deserving of love. I get angry because people don't want to take me seriously, and I feel like I have to resort to extream measures (smoking, drinking coffee, starving myself) just to get something to work. I feel so guilty everytime I eat something, and I try to stop myself from feeling hungry. I'm also having
panic attacks.
