Social Anxiety and Sexual Repression

[MSK17]

Hi, my name is Majid, I'm from Saudi Arabia, 19 going 20. University student.

I suffer everyday from social anxiety and stress, I have these two as a result of a semi-sexual abuse (I'll explain this semi thing a bit later).

First of all, I'm a Saudi citizen living in Saudi Arabia, as you know this is an Islamic country with an Islamic system. You can't have sex unless you're married or else you'll be hanged, and of course this leads to the fact that you can't meet, date, or even stay in a closed place with any other woman unless she's a close relative. I'm not saying this is good or bad, but the problem is that even when I wanna get married and go to a house asking to marry a girl, no one will accept because I'm a student living with my parents, and because I have no income (yet).

There are lots and lots of guys who meet women whom they are not married to and fulfill their sexual needs. But I don't want go that way, because it's wrong in our law and religion. So there you have, I'm almost 20 years old, never contacted a woman sexually my entire adult life. And I know I won't be able to marry a girl until I'm 25 years old (this is when I get a job and live on my own).

Anyhow, I'm a very good looking guy ever since I was a kid, and unfortunately In Saudi Arabia being that Is more of a curse than a bless. There's a huge sexual repression in our kingdom, this created another problem in our society which is homosexuality. Thank god I was never a subject of a childhood sexual abuse, but what happened to me was perhaps something worse than that. People were looking at me sexually, I became extremely suspicious of everyone around me. That's why I'm a very lonely guy, and I like my privacy a lot. I've rejected all friendship requests, my close friends are very limited even though I'm so respected by others and I have many friendships but not close ones.

Even now when I'm an adult, I heard some people (other student) last year talking about me and how "cute" I'm and how they want me sexually! Before I heard them I was almost back to normal, I was socializing, going out with friends, meeting new people, I was laughing and acting normal, but after I heard them, I was devastated. It's really hard for me to know that "other men" think I'm good looking and sexy and how they "want me"!

Now everywhere I go, I'm stress and anxious. Fearing ones who I'm talking to are thinking of me in a sexual way. Even though I'm a great public speaker, great in socializing with others, I'm still not acting as who I'm, I know I'm faking my current personality in order to adjust with my social anxiety and stress. But I HATE IT! I want to act as myself, this fear is killing me. That's why I love being alone, because when I'm alone, it's almost the only time I can be myself.

Please help me with any advise because I need it especially when I'm living in this sick society. I hope my problem is clear (forgive any writing mistakes).

Thank you.

[Faye Lang, RN, MSW]

Hello MSK17,

Since I am not from your culture, I will do my best to provide information within the limits of that culture. If I offend you by anything that I might say, I apologize in advance. Also, I am a female therapist; if receiving information from a female is not appropriate, please write back to us and request a response from a male.

The underlying theme of your description appears to be a fear of homosexuality and having other men desire you. It's important for you to recognize that there is a huge difference between comments from others and actual contact with others.
The degree of your discomfort suggests that you actually may have been inappropriately touched somewhere in your childhood, and/or that you fear you may have homosexual ideas. I am not familiar with what your treatment resources are in your country. If it's available, you would benefit from mental health treatment to help you gain perspective. It's important for you to know that if other men admire your looks, that is their problem to deal with, not yours. You don't have to participate. It also appears that you are hyperaware of sexual overtones, and this should be part of any treatment that is available.

I wish you good luck.

Faye, RN, MSW

[MSK17]

Hello Mrs. Lang,

I like what you said about the problem being theirs not mine, that's true. sometimes you know something but you just need to hear it from others for some reason.

Wish I can go to a psychiatrist, but again, it's a cultural thing, where If I go there, I would be called insane instead of a regular patient who's in need for help.

Anyhow, you're response was very helpful, thanks a lot.

BTW It seems you're a bit cautious since I'm from a different culture, but just for the record, I would say that not less than 45% of the staff and faculty in our hospitals and clinics are represented by females, so it's absolutely fine with me to receive a respond from a nice person such as you.