Father died in 2003 from health problems. Mother died Jan 6 2008 from auto accident. Unexplained lack of mourning or grief on both occasions. Up to and through death of Father, had balanced life until death of Mother. Her death obliterated family dynamic with me and youngest brother. Strained dynamic with middle brother. I have been chronically depressed for decades. Death of Mother obliterated my life as I knew it. Am now entirely alone, living in a new town, know no one, .. I isolate and experiencie high
anxiety. I do not work due to a PTSD disability. I have no obligations, belong nowhere, and have no personal connecton to anyone. Do not feel grounded. On medication (Mirtazapine and Bupropion HCL). I know they are effective by prior experience without medication.
Specifically, I want to know what to do about my being on the verge of tears almost through all waking hours. Any drama can bring me to tears (TV shows, commercials). Drama can be even mildly tragic or comic. Simple conversation with someone can often contain 'break/crack' in my voice and I have to repress urge to cry, realizing there is no rationale to it.
Don't know if this is grief, my confirmed major
depression,
anxiety, or what. Don't know if I need another medication or dose adjustment, or what. Don't know if I just need time to pass. I cannot come to a reason ... it is (to me) some kind of irrational response going on.
