I've been having a problem engaging in sexual relations with my husband for the past two years or so now. We've been together almost 8 years, and in the beginning of our relationship that aspect was perfectly normal and good. But after we were married (about 5 years ago), I was unfaithful in many very damaging ways; damaging to our relationship and to my own mental health. We split up for a while, during which time I threw myself into all sorts of unhealthy, unnatural sexual relationships, till I finally came to my senses and came clean to my husband. We're now back together, having worked on our relationship, and we're in a good place in every aspect but the bedroom. Every time our foreplay reaches the point of sexual contact, I get a disgusting feeling and badly want it to stop (unless I've imbibed a certain amount of alcohol). I go through it for his sake, but during the whole event I feel like I just want to die. He knows I'm not enjoying it either, so it's been gradually more and more of a strain on our relationship. I can't afford to go to any kind of therapy; that's out of the question. But I'm wondering if there's anything I can try to do on my own to work through this problem and be able to enjoy intimacy with my husband again. I know that this problem stems from those unnatural relationships I had before and during our separation, and also from prior sexual trauma I had as a child, but that knowledge isn't making the problem any less. In fact, as time goes on, I find it getting worse and worse. I'd appreciate any advice, thank you.