There's almost no doubt you've been having seizures. Since they have mostly occurred during sleep I assume there's very little information to gained from witnesses, who apparently don't realize it's happening either. Nocturnal seizures seem to be more common than generally thought and are often difficult to diagnose. When you had the EEGs done did anyone use a strobe to try and induce seizures or at least brain wave changes? I'm not sure even that is always accurate, but if it's positive it's accurate at least.
You've done the right things, and hopefully by now you've been to the seizure specailist and know more. If the Tomamax has seemed to be preventing the seizures or at least reducing the frequency, then that or something equally (or more) effective should be continued or added. I can't see stopping the medication if it's helping and every bit of your story is consistent with nocturnal seizures. Many people experience random, seizure-like activity when falling asleep, so I'm sure there's a period where some people cross that threshold. I'd simply make my statement as strong as possible and not allow myself to be intimidated by skeptical clinicians. This would seem to be a case where "If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck it probably is a duck."
Hang in there. Best of luck to you, and please do follow up with us here.
John Kenyon, EMT, CCT
Non-invasive cardiology tech, Emergency and Critical Care technician, Critical Incident Stress Mgmt. specialist