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Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics
|ealex - Thu Feb 16, 2006 7:37 am|
I've decided to try appealing to the help of your online community in trying to understand the way my brain works right now, more specifically this depression type state I am going through.
I have to state that over the years, I've had one or more periods of severe depression, most usually, associated with relationship difficulties of one nature of another, which is maybe expected at the age of 18-20.
The severe problem comes from the fact that I have noticed that although I have every intent of coming out of these states, and that mentally I am conscious that things are ok, even if they're not all sunshine, and I have the will to accept and work with the fact at this time, I am not able to break myself off.
More importantly I have noticed that these period of depression is associated with irational vulgar thoughts. This year's depression period coincidentally has fallen almost the same period as last year's. I think it started with the death of my grandfather because that period was also marked by involuntary vulgar thoughts, which was horrible indeed. Now, even more horrible I am in a emotionally troubling relationship, and the certain vulgar involuntary thoughts seem to have focuse on the person involved in this relationship. To be perfectly specific, in maybe hoping you'll understand me better, the thoughts are sexually related, most often to the word "whore" or "slut", and the trigger was absolutely unimportant, eg the fact that the person in question told me some about her past sex life, which I consciouly have no problem with, and no insecurity. Now this same thught pattern hapenned last year with someone else with a similar issue (the person had been forced in the past to become a prostitute, etc). Now I have no idea if these two are somehow connected, but maybe it is of some rellevance.
I have tried (and this is somewhat silly I know) dialoguing with myself in understanding these thoughts and trying to put them aside as meaningless and irrational, trying to convince myself that there is no need for them. Obviously this hasn't worked.
Also the way i figure this to be a period of real medical depression is the general feel of emptyness, the lack of focus, certain habituary gestures that have intensified, such as moving my leg up and down, and the general loss of perspective on life.
The fact is right now I cannot afford to go to a doctor.
What I ask for is first of all, an psychiatrical explanation on all this, somehow that can help me understand things that maybe I am not seeing. Second of all if anyone knows any efficient ways of self-therapy, or at least what action I should maybe take to ease this or make it fade away. And last, if nothing else, any medication that might help, particularly something I can buy off the shelf and not need a prescription for.
Fact is I love this person. And I am aware that right now she is the center of my depression. I don't want this to have an impact on it, regardless of wether things will work out for the better or not. And I would not mind this general state of hopelessness, which i could probably overcome on my own if it wouldn't be for these involuntary vulgar thoughts that appear in my head (no doubt of my own concious creation even if involuntary) which are incredibly stressing and worsening my condition.
I thank you for taking the time to read this and hope that you'll find some advice to give me.
|DoctorJohn - Thu Feb 16, 2006 7:50 am|
First of all allow me to congratulate you on such a coherent description of your depressive illness. It strikes me that you in fact are suffering from two distinctive problems, namely depression and obsessive compulsive disorder. In reality, the two conditions are actually quite closely linked in terms of the neurochemicals thought to be involved in their causation.
The obscene thoughts you are experiencing are clearly obsessional in nature. I assume you have a psychiatrist and think you should discuss with him or her the possibility of taking a relatively high dose of one of the SSRIs (prozac, zoloft, etc.) to control these thoughts. This strategy combined with certain types of cognitive behavioural therapy is usually very effective in controlling this bothersome conditions.
|ealex - Thu Feb 16, 2006 8:19 am|
well out of the research I've done of the symptoms online, I drew the same conclusions, as often I found that depression can involve OCD.
however I was reluctant to conclude anything because this is not a state to last all year, or to be continuous. it is indeed linked with certain events in my life, and I was inclined to maybe think it was a seasonal things (somehow related to winter or something) although I realise that it is lesss likely.
I will try and see about getting some professional help somehow, but as all people going through something like this I am a bit reluctant about it, being tempted to somehow outrun the depression and "wait" for it to go away, like it did the last time. except the last time it went away along with the problem itself (eg: ended relationship, seeked some solace in someone else for a while).
thank you for your advice.
|DoctorJohn - Thu Feb 16, 2006 3:19 pm|
<i>I will try and see about getting some professional help somehow, but as all people going through something like this I am a bit reluctant about it, being tempted to somehow outrun the Depression and "wait" for it to go away, like it did the last time.</i>
Why suffer for a moment longer than you need to? The sooner you start treatment then the sooner you get better. If the illness were a physical one then you would seek help immediately, would you not?
There is also some evidence (the kindling theory) that the longer a depressive episode persists then the harder it is to treat and the more likely it is to recur.
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