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Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: Am I depressed?


 kman - Fri Feb 09, 2007 3:58 am

Hello this is my first attempt at finding out if there is something wrong with me and the first time i have said anything to anyone about it. I have never told a doctor because i always felt that they would lock me up in a padded room.
i am attending a technical college full time and i have a full time job. But allot of the symptoms i have had before i started school.
I have always felt like i wasnt good enough for anyone like being someones friend or especially being loved by someone. Every time i have a friend i think they want something else from me besides being my friend. Whether being at work or home i always prefer to be by myself or work by myself.
I have gotten married over a year ago and we get along good but i always feel like my wife is going to leave me because im not good enough for her. Why would she want to throw her life away to be with me?
She knows that i don't like to be around allot of people but she loves to be out visiting her friends and doing other things. I think we have a great marriage. We get along very well in my opinion and i think we love eachother allot but sometimes i wonder "how could she love me?" Thats why i am posting here because i don't want to lose my wife.
I recently got out of the military, i didnt like the military but i guess i liked the security of always having a job. I didnt have any bad experiences with being over seas or anything but when i first got out i couldnt find a good job. At this time i thought allot about suicide because i thought and still do to a certain extent that my wife deserves allot better than me and i think that the world would be a better place without me here. I have gotten a much better job so the suicide thoughts don't come as much as they did. I don't think i would ever go through with it because all my family memebers would be really disapointed if i did and most important i know it would hurt my wife.
I am always tired but it could be that i don't get much sleep because of work and school. on the weekends i sleep for 16-18 hours or until my wife wakes me up. then she has a hard time getting me up. I don't know if this is normal because i have never slept that much at one time.
I have a hard time understanding and remembering allot of things from school and work. I have always been a fast learner but am finding it difficult to do now. I don't have enough energy to get tasks done. i drink energy drinks and they work a little bit but 30 minuts later i am worse than i was before i drank it.
I will have sudden feelings like something bad is going to happen. i don't know what it is but its like i have something to worry about but i cant remember what it is like If i try to call my wife and she don't answer the phone i automatically think that she is mad about something and i think about things that she could be mad about. She is never mad or anything so i don't know why i am thinking this. I have never told her about this.
I always feel sad like i am never going to amount to anything and i feel like no matter how hard i try i will mess it up in the end. I am really going to school because my wife wants me too but I think i will mess it up in the end and ill end up losing everything i have.
When i am at work i laugh and joke with my co-workers and because of this i don't know if its depression. I do get rude to people allot when i get down or tired and i say things before i realize what im saying. Its like im looking through another persons eyes and saying the first thing that pops in my head without thinking about it. I always appolagize if i say something mean or try to cover it up as a joke.
Thanks for reading all this, this will probably be my only attempt at this. Feel free to ask any questions.
 Dr. K. Eisele - Sat Feb 10, 2007 12:45 am

User avatar kman:

I'm sorry to hear of your problems. A patient of mine once said that of all the illnesses he had ever had, depression was the most devastating. I think we could generalize that statement to nearly all of the psychiatric disorders.

Coming up with a diagnosis in the forum is terribly difficult but I can tell you that depression is a definite possibility. Common symptoms of depression include:

1) Depressed mood

2) Loss of interest in doing things that you used to enjoy

3) Difficulty concentrating

4) Feelings of hopelessness and/or worthlessness

5) Sleep disturbance--either too much or too little

6) Change in appetite resulting in significant weight change (a good rule of thumb is a gain or loss that results in a change in clothing size) over a period of a few months

7) Feelings of guilt that are unreasonable, for example, feeling responsible for something you had nothing to do with but for which you may have been present

8) Recurrent morbid thoughts, for example, "I wish I were dead," or, "maybe I won't wake up in the morning," etc.

9) Suicidal thoughts, for example, "I'm going to kill myself," and then you start looking around for a way to do it.

You don't have to have all these symptoms to have Major Depressive Disorder. You have a lot of these symptoms, which is concerning. Before I say anything else, I would be remiss if I did not tell you that you really need to see your doctor ASAP. You don't have to suffer like this! Depression is an awful thing to suffer through, but it is treatable. You can feel better!

Now, I have a question for you:

If you are walking down the street and there is someone walking behind you and going in the same direction as you, what do you think is going on?
 kman - Wed Feb 14, 2007 6:45 pm

I have never liked people walking behind me. i am the last through the doors usually by holding the door for everyone or entering an elevator. I don't know whether its because i think they will do something to me or because they can look at the back of my head. Not sure which one.

If someone was walking behind me and kept going the same way i would probably i would speed up so they are not close to me. if the stay close i would act like i saw something and stop walking until the person passes.
 Dr. K. Eisele - Thu Feb 15, 2007 1:44 am

User avatar kman:

Thanks for coming back. Your answer to the question is most interesting. The reason I asked the question was to assess your level of suspiciousness to a very general situation. You had alluded to some suspiciousness, but it seemed like it might be more specific.

It seems to me that you do have some degree of suspiciousness, a little more than usual, although it is very difficult to assess in such a forum. I think you need to see a psychiatrist, rather than your family doctor, if possible. A psychiatrist will be able to figure out that aspect of your problem far better than will a family physician, and it sounds like it is a significant issue for you.

If you haven't already seen a physician, please do. Hopefully you will be able to see a psychiatrist. If for some reason, a psychiatrist is not available, then a family doctor is definitely the next best thing.

Let us know how things go for you. My best to you.

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