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Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: serious self harm behaviour -worried


 beckie - Wed Jul 25, 2007 1:26 pm

Hello im a 20 year old female, currently on 75mg Effexor in morning and amitripline 50mg at night. I have been diagnosed with depression for 2 years now and have been taking effexor since the 12th July 07. they are making me have memory loss, tiredness and awake at night even though im tired. I see a psycotherpaist once a week.
I was sexually abused as a child and this has not been talked about only between myself my doctor and psycotherapist.

I have never been this honest before but i really need some advice. I used to self harm as a child when i was being sexually abused. By cutting my legs and tummy, which i now suffer from horrible scars. But recently i have been doing something which i no is very dangerous. I have inserted stanley blades into my vagina. I don't know why i do this, maybe for attention or because i don't want to be touched by a male ever again. I don't know. I havent dosclosed this to anybody. I don't know what to do, i don't know whats wrong with me, i know how wrong this is and dangerous. I don't want to stop myself having a baby etc as i do want children when im older.

Please don't think im mad, im a healthcare professional and feel like im seriously going mad. Effexor has stopped the sudden drops in mood and reduced levels of anxiety. Still feel rather depressed at times. but the sudden erges to do this havent gone away. Am i a psyco? why do i do it? have i something else apart from depression and anxiety. If someone can help me put a name to this then i can go to my GP, at the moment i don't feel like i can disclose such a stupid thing i do.

Im only 20, i feel like my life is ruined.

Sorry that it is so long

Any help would be great thank you
 angelkt - Wed Jul 25, 2007 4:13 pm

hiya
1st of all i want to say im not a medical proffessional-i just use tis forum to spk to one of the dcs on here as i have an eating disorder and self harm also.
I just wanted to reply as i felt for you and wanted to just show some support.
im really sorry for what happened to you and for what is going on with you atm...and i personally do not think u r mad or anything like that...although i don't self harm to that extent i think all self harm behaivours we do for a reason and the 1st thing that i thought when i read the way u self harm is the abuse-it sem logical but i don't know hopefully a doc will get back to you on that.
i think you should defo defo talk to you phycotherapist abou it hun,people on here will give you advice but its defo wirth talking to some one in your life about it.but don't think ur mad or crazy....
take care.xxx
 beckie - Thu Jul 26, 2007 2:57 am

Thank you for your reply.

i just need abit of advice on here hopefully a doc who might have come across this before or who at least has an understanding.

Any advice will do im becoming pretty desperate

Thanks

Beckie
 Dr. K. Eisele - Sat Aug 11, 2007 2:53 pm

User avatar Dear Beckie:

I think you do this because you were made to have sex against your will. By inserting the blades, you are ensuring that any male who enters you without your consent will pay for it.

I don't think you are crazy. This behavior is actually quite logical. However, it is very dangerous--as dangerous as having unprotected, nonconsensual sex. You need to tell your psychotherapist about this ASAP, so that he or she can help you deal with this issue. Only then will you be able to feel safe without engaging in this behavior.

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