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Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: Negative Inner Voice


 dawneekoz - Fri Feb 22, 2008 11:25 pm

I am not quite sure how to explain this, but I will do the best I can. I constantly have a stream of negative thoughts run through my head. Like my inner voice has a commentary on what could happen in any given situation. It is like worry or fear but my body doesn't feel it. In other words, I don't feel anxious or worried, no pit in the stomach feeling, yet I am constantly thinking of the worse that can happen. Or I imagine terrible scenarios or imagine how I will end up dying. I pull out of my driveway and think about what would happen if I got into an accident. Who is in the car with me? Would they die or survive? How would the family members left behind cope? It is like an OCD of negative fearful thoughts. I then start obsessing that my thoughts are going to cause it to happen. Not like I think I can make something happen, but more in a "what you put into the universe" type thought. Or, some sort of fear of jinxing myself. Or sometimes it is my inner voice reading the headline of the newspaper article that would be written...like "Mom and kids die in accident after telling Dad 'we'll be right back'".

I don't want to die, but I am so afraid of it that I can't stop thinking about what could cause it. Basically it is whatever the negative version of a fantasy is, that is what I do all the time. It is like day dreaming, but the dreams are all terrible. I constantly obsess about others in my life and sometimes think I "get a feeling" like I know something is going to happen. Only, the rational side reminds the irrational side that the feeling can't be right because I have gotten so many in my life I can't trust them. I remember as a kid totally crying myself to sleep after envisioning the scenario in which my mother dies and what I would do about it and how I would handle it. And then when someone actually dies, I think it is so surreal that I have a hard time with emotion about it. My grandfather died last year and I was hardly able to cry. I was stunned to see my male cousins with so much emotion and myself just sort of in a daze.

I don't think I am depressed, but I think I have a mild form of Dysthymia just from what I have read on the internet about it. I am not unhappy but I do sort of have a "bla" existence sometimes. I love my kids and my husband and I know they love me, I am healthy, I have friends, I have a house and a car, etc., yet I just don't feel excited about life most of the time. I sometimes have moments where I feel that "high on life" feeling, like during a song, or certain experience, but it is short lived. I guess I just think I am fearful of dying so I am too afraid to LIVE. But, if I could just stop this inner voice for a bit, that would be nice.

I guess I am just wondering if there is a name for this or is it tied up in depression? Should I see someone?

If it helps to know, I am 40, female, married. I am fairly certain I have ADD (self diagnosed) except I was diagnosed once by a therapist in 20 minutes and he then offered me drugs that I refused to take. I only tell you this because I feel it might contribute to my issue of random, uncontrollable thoughts that run through my head all the time.

Thanks for your time and guidance.

Dawn
 Dr. E. Seigle - Sat Feb 23, 2008 3:24 pm

Dear Dawn,

It does sound like you are experiencing an anxiety disorder with obsessive worries and patterns of thinking that happen even though intellectually you know that what you are worrying about are not likely to occur. You also describe a tendency to feeling a negative mood (Dysthymia) and a self-diagnosis of ADD. ADD and OCD sometimes occur together. These possible diagnoses require a thorough psychiatric evaluation usually taking 2-3 sessions with a psychiatrist; I would suggest that you consider having this done; afterward, treatment can be successful with certain types of psychotherapy or medication or both. If you have any suicidal thinking, you should have an evaluation done immediately.

You are brave to be looking at the ways you are feeling worried and down, and deserve a lot of credit for this. Good luck!

-
Dr. Seigle
 SoTired76 - Mon Mar 03, 2008 2:28 pm

Hi there, This post I could very much relate to. I am new to this forum and in search of help for other things, but I have OCD diagnosed and I have the intrusive thought and worry component. It is very hard, but there are treatments out there thank goodness. Please take care. I am sure you are a great person, and these thoughts are not a reflection of who you really are or your integrity. Remember that :) Doctor Seigle has given you some awesome advice. I really hope you can find a good doctor/therapist who can help you. Peace

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