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- Fri Sep 19, 2008 1:23 pm
Well, after a heart to heart with my lovely wife I've decided I really need to speak to somebody about my concerns.
On doing some light reasearch I seem to have all the symptoms of Hypo mania or mania. I sometimes get, from time to time, a spatial disorientation of a kind.
Dull days also give me a feeling of not being here or slightly out of synch with my surroundings.
Ive had these symptoms since I was a teen and have learnt to cope with them over the years. I do not feel as though I have got better, rather that my control of these symptoms has improved as Ive got older.
I had some very traumatic experiences as a young child and as a young teen I had a severe, violent encounter with my Father, which lead me to my first blank mind and a violent attack by myself that Ive never been able to come to terms with.
My quick rage and blank outs continued into my early twentys and led me to many more violent encounters with people.
I married quite young and also have suffered from blank rage episodes with my wife over the years but I have learnt to control these by my late twenties.
I suffer from tremendous guilt over my past actions but in all honesty cannot remember much detail of what I have actually done.
I'm pretty sure both my father and mother have had psychiatric issues in the past but have never sought treatment for them.
The males in my fathers family all tend to suffer from this rage problem.
I also get anxiety.
So where do I go from here? I'm frightened to talk to my GP because I am terrified of a mark on my medical records which may see me losing my job.
I have a young family to support.
- Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:54 pm
I think I should expand on my History a little, so here goes....
I was sexually active, smoking pot and drinking alcohol at thirteen years old.
Before I was sixteen I had also taken amphetamines (speed), Cocaine, LSD and also had a very, very bad experience (poss overdose) on mushrooms.
By the time I was eighteen I realised that I had to turn my life around. I stopped doing drugs but continued to binge drink quite heavily.
Whilst in my early twenties my father died and I went into self destruct mode.
I was fighting every weekend with anyone who wanted a go. This was a release for my anguish and inner pain. This phase lasted approx five years.
My wife has stood by me every step of the way and without her I probably wouldnt be here now. She deserved better and I finally realised this and begun once again to straighten my life out.
Now, after a lot of hard work. I have, once again turned my life around.
I have a good job, I only drink in moderation, I am a doting father and a loving husband and my family are my world. I am also a well respected member of the community.
I know, deep down, that I have deep emotional scars and I have learnt to live with them to a certain extent. I never want my demons to rear their ugly head again and although I feel I have them under control. I never want to put my wife through any of this ever again.
On one hand I want a diagnosis, but on the other I don't want to be labeled, if that makes any sense.
Would I benefit from speaking to a professional and if so how do I go about it?
Can it be in confidence without going on my medical records?
Would I benefit from some sort of meds? or therapy?
- Fri Nov 14, 2008 1:01 pm
Thank you for the lack of response!
Ive been to my GP today after having a horribly low week and he has prescribed me Propranolol 10mg 3 x daily and made an intrim diagnosis of Acute Anxiety and has given me a priority referal to see a Psychotherapist to discuss my past issues. He has assured me that the meds wont interfere with my work and will hopefully make me feel a lot calmer.
Oddly enough, I feel a little better already. Probably due to the fact that somebody has listened and is prepared to help.
| Faye Lang, RN, MSW
- Sun Jan 18, 2009 5:10 pm
We are very sorry that you didn't receive a reply. What you describe in your final submission is exactly what I would have offered. Psychiatric treatment is private and the law protects that privacy. Although we were not helpful to you, I sincerely wish you the best and that your treatment is successful.
Faye, RN, MSW