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Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: Shading my name out


 Sasa - Mon Oct 20, 2008 10:55 am

Dear Doctor,

Im a female, in the early 20's, from Egypt.
Tried ....... so many times long ago, but failed.
I do have severe family issues, living with my mum alone.
So many incidents happened in the last period untill now happening, that is really affecting me so bad that I can't concentrate at work and it is becoming so obvious. Regardless there is too much in my life, still I can't say all but what is happening is that I started writing my name so many times and drawing horizontal and vertical lines then cris-cross untill it is not clear the name under it and I have pages and pages that is annoying me infront of everybody even my collegues coz sometimes I'm in a meeting and shadding out drawing.
Please help me, I don't understand what is going on or what is that meaning?
if u want me to send a sample, I'll

Regards,
Sarah
 Dr. K. Eisele - Wed Oct 22, 2008 12:15 am

User avatar Dear Sarah:

It sounds like you've got a lot to deal with right now. I'm not sure what you are referring to that you tried so many times, long ago, and failed--are you talking about school, or a relationship?

In general, when someone writes her name and crosses it out over and over, I tend to think that they are angry with themselves, or in the case of someone whose name has changed due to marriage or adoption, possibly, with whoever caused the name change. Since you are in your twenties, did you recently marry and change your name, or did you find out something about a relative that has you feeling angry or sad?

Please write back.
Dr. E.
 Sasa - Wed Oct 22, 2008 5:54 am

Dear Dr. K. Eisele,

Have a good day......
Concerning what you have been asking, I meant Suicide so many times... but failed may be I'm a physical strong person and I can deal with huge amount of drugs, I don't know!!!
Being angry yes, deep inside me I FEEL soooooo angry and you know the problem is that I can't/don't do anything like screaming, breaking things or leaving and going then coming back later when I feel ok. I just keep it inside of me and become much more angry and angry and angry and in stress, I'm crying coz I've never said that I'm that angry before, never admitted it.
I'm engaged and suppose to get marry Feb. 09, although I feel so hesitated still I feel this is the only way to get a seperate life and that would be my own, to run my own life the way I want it. but so scaredto fai. I heard being so scared to fail; causes a failure indeed.
May be also I have never said that, but I'm so angry with my mum, so angry at her.
Still what am I going to do with all those shaddings while eating, talking, working, sitting with a friend and in the taxi.
Please help me, I feel that I'll either collapse or explode.

Regards
 Sasa - Wed Oct 22, 2008 9:28 am

Dear Dr. K. Eisele,

I replied before but i believe it is not posted or an error occurred....

Thank you for your prompt respond and Concern....
Regarding your question, I meant Suicide so many times but failed coz every time I'm attempting there comes in my mind that there is a biggest cause to stay alive for, and that I shouldn't do this to my family.
Now I'm so careless, it doesn't bother me anymore who is going to suffer coz I'm suffering enough.
Yes, I'm so angryyyyyyyyy, angry and angry. I'm engaged and suppose to be getting married in Feb.09, hope to hang on....
I feel those shadings are hunting me down eating, working, thinking, talking, with a friend, with my fiancé and even in a taxi.
There is a lot I want/need to talk to somebody about my life but I can't, I don't know why???
Deep inside me I'm so angry and the worse is that I can't take/make any move coz there is a person who depending on my existence and that the most person that hurts me.
I feel so bad that I can't scream, break things, cry or leave and then calm down; no I take everything on me to deep inside me that is stressing me coz I can't get out my anger.
I'm so tired and exhausted although I'm 25 but I feel like 55, I feel I'm going to either collapse or Explode.
Help me and note that there are so many details that I didn't mention as I don't know how to......

Regards,
Sasa

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