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- Fri Nov 07, 2008 11:33 am
Today, when I woke up in the morning, I was feeling very nauseated. I had some vomits also. Whatevr i ate, it came out through vomits. Then i went to a physician, she checked everything and found everything normal. I came home and felt miserable for not going to office.
This was not the first time this happened. This has happened many times earlier also. I think the root cause for this is the tension and anxiety i have early in the morning. I am not being able to perform at my workplace. I keep on getting reminders from my managers. I am afraid of everyone at my job. everyone thinks i am stupid and unitelligent. I cant seem to concentrate on my work. I don't remember simple things also. I have trouble waking up in the morning. Every morning i wake up and think that its better to die than to go to my workplace. Every morning i drag myself out of bed to my workplace. I have headache every morning. Pop in 1 vasograin before going to office. It makes me feel better. I dnt have time to take bath for whole week. Though they have put minimal amount of pressure on me, but i always feel pressurised. I cant eat anything for days because of my nausea. I am afraid of wht people will think about me always. In the evening when i return, everything is ok then.
When i go to sleep, i dread that after 7 hours it will be the same routine again. there is something inside me that i just want to take hold of and pull out. Something which is not letting me live. I cry for no reasons at all.
It was not always like this, I was a very bright student, then slowly slowly i started losing my confidence when there were always more intelligent and mature persons around me. I feel so kiddish. My job is in danger because of all this. I know i am intelligent than many people who are performing better than me in my workplace, but somehow i cant work. I want to change my job, but in this recession, there are no jobs availaible.
In the morning i have thoughts of dying, i feel like a truck should ram into me on my way to office and injure me so that i get leave from office. Sometimes i see my throat being cut by my manager and teammates, and it gives such a relief thinking about that.
Always feel guilty for not doing my work properly.
Life is such a burden on me. Please help me.
Tell me yoga exercises or anything that can help me.
I cant go on like this now.
| Debbie Miller, RN
- Sun Nov 09, 2008 10:39 am
It sounds like you are experiencing some serious depression and it is imperative for you to get help. Your work may offer mental health benefits or may have an employee assistance program with counselors available. Take advantage of this and, though it is difficult to take the steps, especially with such low energy levels, it is critical you get some help. If you can't do it yourself, find a trusted friend, family member or colleague at work to confide in and ask for their help. If you are active in a church, talk to your spiritual adviser about this. At any rate, you must seek help. Depression is a real disease and as you can see, it can be crippling. Counseling and medication can work wonders but it is important to get the right diagnosis for the right treatment and depression comes in varieties and even goes along with other disorders - even attention deficit disorder.
Your family doctor is also a good place to start and frequently you find this is an easy appointment to get, where you might have to wait for a psychiatrist. Let them know when you call that you feel you may be in danger of hurting yourself and that you aren't functioning well so they won't delay in getting you in to see the doctor. They won't know how urgent the need is unless you tell them.
You may also have some mental or behavioral health facilities where you could call for help. Hotlines for depression are available. You could call your local health department or hospital for a referral.
Good luck and please let us know how it goes and if you need other advice. You are worth it and life can get much better with help.