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Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: Chronic Obsession


 Richard2342 - Fri Feb 06, 2009 2:11 pm

Hello. I am having trouble getting over something that should be very simple to get over and that I shouldn’t be thinking about in the first place. When I was in tenth grade, I met a girl and quickly developed a crush on her. She was friendly at first, but when she realized how I felt she stopped talking to me, and even started ignoring. (She otherwise seemed very nice, many of my friends were friends with her.) I thought I got over her at the end of the year. I attended the rest of high school in another building, so I didn’t see much of her.
For months I wouldn’t think about her. I went out with another girl for over a year. But sometimes would suddenly think about her and get really depressed about it for a few days. During the first year of college this happened and I decided to instant message her and ask her why she treated me that way, and she apologized and said she was stupid and just wanted to be friends and didn’t know how to react to my liking her. I thought this would end the problem in my mind, but it didn’t.
I’ve started thinking about her recently, and have been instant messaged her a few times recently. I don’t know. I don’t know why I keep thinking about her. I don’t even find her as physically attractive as I used to. And why do I obsess over her rather than the girl I went out with? I vaguely remember hearing somewhere that it takes two years to get over someone completely, but it’s been about three and a half, and if anything it’s gotten worse. I’m not sure what I’m expecting, especially since I go to school out of state.
Oh, here is something. I am kind of unhappy going to my school for several reasons, such as it’s out of state, so it’s pretty expensive; if I had a major that would be different, but I really have no reason for going here rather than anywhere else. In one of my obsessive moods I learned that she was in a similar situation and was going to transfer to a college near our town, and I thought that that was a good idea, but I didn’t try to capitalize on this idea because I was afraid I was doing it just because she would be going there, even though my brain knew that it was a good decision. I’ve started thinking about this idea again recently, though, maybe I’ll transfer.
Anyway, I don’t like this chronic obsession. I keep thinking I am over it, but it keeps coming back. Please help.
 Tim W Latsko - Sun Feb 08, 2009 9:54 pm

Richard,

Thanks for the opportunity to respond to your post. It sounds like you established a connection with this young lady, given your self defined chronic obession let me suggest that you visit your university's counseling center for some insight-oriented counseling it is likely that you will find exploring your attraction to her helpful in understanding this unhealthy connectedness. Keep us possted...Tim
 Richard2342 - Sat Jun 20, 2009 10:49 pm

Hi, just an update, I think I'm over this problem. Not sure why, maybe just talking about it and getting feedback? Thanks.
 Faye Lang, RN, MSW - Sun Jul 25, 2010 12:13 pm

Hi Richard2342,

I just noticed your addition to your post and wanted to let you know we're glad to hear your situation resolved. Talking about things really does help. If a situation recurs, it's a good idea to see a therapist to talk it through. Good luck to you!

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