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- Fri Mar 27, 2009 10:21 pm
(I understand my post is long, but I'm desperate for answers)
I'm 16 years old and up to about a year and a half ago I felt completely normal. My parents both don't have alarming medial histories, and I've never lost a loved one or experienced any kind of devastating trauma in my life besides the usual parents divorce, but that didn't have any kind of life changing effect on me, even at 8 years old. The funny thing is, is my nickname for my entire life has been "sunshine", for my normally sunny diposition, but over this past year or so thats not the case anymore.
Over the past several months I havent' felt quite like myself. My emotions have become extreme. When I'm happy it's insanely happy, when i'm sad theres no pulling me out of it unless I go to sleep. And when I get angry I fly off the handle. My parents have actually called the police on me twice now for my anger problems or "behavioral issues", which isn't like me at all, I've never gotten into any trouble like that before. I'm generally pretty well behaved, but when I get even the slightest bit angry I break things, hit things until my arms throb, and scream until I lose my voice, I completely don't understand who that person is or where they have come from. I feel as if my personality has become night and day.
Also on top of the anger, I have an obsession over death. At first it started out with thoughts of my own death. Visualizing it, being afraid constantly of being murdered, or in a car wreck. I lay in bed at night, listening for movement in my house, paranoid that someone will break in, and cause harm to me. Then these thoughts have been followed up by obsessive paranoia of my boyfriend's death. I had one about a year ago this started with, everytime he'd leave to go somewhere i'd stare at my phone worried. I couldn't concentrate on anything, school work, house work, my other friends, all I could think about is if he was ok, or how I would ever live if he died. I would cry endlessly, for hours sometimes, because I couldn't help these thoughts. We eventually broke up causing the thoughts of him to stop, which led me to believe I was "obsessed" with him, and blamed the thoughts on me being a "crazy girlfriend", But now a year later I have a wonderful boyfriend who I have been with for seven months, and the thoughts have become very severe and progressive once more. I can't concentrate on life anymore because i'm scared literally all the time. At work, school, home, or in public, the thoughts come for long periods of time, and leave only for a short time.
These thoughts of death have led me to thinking about ending my own life (although I can honestly say I would never do it) I get so depressed over the fact that I obsess over the inevitable.
I have brought this to my parents attention, but they don't seem to understand the severity of this to me. They say they will get me to a doctor but it never happens. I need to know is this severe depression? OCD? I've looked into OCD thinking that could definitely be it, but i don't want to convince myself thats it.
I desperately need help to get back to the old me.
Thanks so much.
| Debbie Miller, RN
- Sun Mar 29, 2009 10:51 am
Adolescence is a significant time in mental health and it is imperative that you get help for this. Many illnesses make their debut in the teenage years so you are not alone in this. You probably need medication and/or therapy. Could you start with a school counselor? There are other mental health agencies and you can ask your family doctor about it too. Perhaps a general physical exam could be arranged with a pediatrician or family doctor who could then advise you as to a referral. There are mental health agencies such as NAMI to help you find referral agencies also. Please let us know what you find out and be persistent. Your parents may not realize the severity of your symptoms so be diligent in getting help. Find someone you can trust who will listen to you.