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- Tue Mar 31, 2009 3:38 am
I m writing this note to get an assistance from u.There's a female friend of mine. She's quiet boyish .Her name is Soumya. I m deepika.I m very worried for her.We stayed in hostel for around 8 yrs.When i met her she was in some depression.Since i saw depression patients at my own home,i became more concerned for her.She's very much attached to me and says that she always saw me as her girlfriend or wife. Now i have got married 2 months before. she's now very disturbed from inside. She doen't want me to come back but takes sleeping pills & other intoxicants daily, to make senses dead so that she can't think much.Can u please help me in terms of what should i do to make myself and her at least satisfied in life. Truly speaking that there was no physical relation between us.She's too stubborn in nature, cannot bear inconvienience much.Its very hard for me to see her in so much pain so please help me. I'll be really thankfull to you if you could provide some solution.
| Dr. E. Seigle
- Thu Apr 02, 2009 6:45 am
Two possible things that you can do include the following:
1. If your relationship with her is possible and desirable by all, you can try to take time to spend with her regularly, as a friend, to show her that your relationship will persist, despite your marriage.
2. If this is something she can talk about, and you feel this way, you can assure her that she is important to you and that you want to continue your friendship with her. You can consider telling her that you've noticed that something seems different in her since you've married. Perhaps she will talk to you about her fears and sense of loss since your marriage. If true for you, you can share that there has been some loss for you too. And despite the loss, your relationship, if you both desire, can continue and still be special, though it is not a romantic one.
From what you've said, it sounds like your friend may not be able to talk about this, or she may become angry. In this case, you can simply quietly accept her anger, and if it feels right, assure her that you continue to care about her deeply.
If professional help is available where you are, she might avail herself of psychotherapy. Good luck!
-E. Seigle MD