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Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: Any possibility of getting rid of girlish or gay behaviour?


 pls_help - Mon Apr 27, 2009 2:35 am

I am a guy of 24 years working as an executive. I look totally boyish. But my behaviour is girlish. As I feel, I am not a totally sissy type, I think my talking is girlish. (I think no one realizes that I am girlish until I speak). This has been since I was in high school, there were so many incidents that my friends used to call me a girl. In present, I know people do not say it to my face but they identify my girlish behaviour for sure. And they naturally tend to think I am gay.
Well, when it comes to my sexual orientation, yes I am gay. In sexual relationships with guys, I take the role of man, never the role of woman.
I remember when I was 10 or 11 years old my friend used to touch my private parts and I had no idea about it, then I remember I used to like girls may be when I was 13 or 14 I used to dream about having a love affair with a girl getting married and maintaining a family and all the usual stuff a guy should do. I even used to like nude girl’s porn very much at that time. Then just one night the guy next door tried touching my private parts, I was extremely scared and complained to my mother I guess I was about 14 at that time. My dad is very strict so my mother told me to keep it as a secret and also she said it’s quite normal in boys’ hostels since that guy was in a hostel, he might have got used to it.
I don’t exactly remember what age, but gradually I started being interested in my guy friends than girl friends and ended up experimenting some sexual experiences with my best guy friend when I was 18 and I think I loved him.
One more thing, my mother used to change her cloths in front of me never bothered to cover her body. Even now she does that, I think it made me to respect the body of a woman than taking it as a sexual stimulator. My father used to be very silent person, he never showed us love verbally or physically although he loves us so much and provided me with everything I wanted.
Well, now I date a couple of guys and have sex regularly but I keep it as a secret from my straight friends, but as I mentioned my girlish behaviour makes them suspect about me. As I feel they know it just by my behaviour, I feel uncomfortable.
I do not mind being gay. But I want to get rid of my girlish behaviour. Well, even if I can get rid of being gay, I would be extremely happy.

Please advise me, are there any therapy or medication for me to get rid of this problem? I am afraid that I am already 24 years old. Am I too old to ask for help? Please help me. I really don’t like this.
 Debbie Miller, RN - Mon May 25, 2009 12:52 pm

User avatar Hello,
Many people with the desire to do so, have been successful in changing from "gay" to "straight" with psychological help and counseling with a therapist skilled in sexual orientation concerns. Often these are therapists with a Christian or other religious basis and often the people seeking the therapy do so because of a sense of it being wrong.

Some recent information has come to light regarding the question of genetic predisposition to homosexuality and you can read it here: http://www.onenewsnow.com/Culture/Defau ... ?id=528376
This site might be helpful in finding resources: Defend the Family International at http://www.abidingtruth.com/pfrc/newsar ... p?topic=14

If you subscribe to a church or religious organization, talk to your clergy about recovery services if that is your desire.

It sounds like you are a bit ambivalent on that but are concerned about your feminine characteristics. In that case, you might benefit from seeing an endocrinologist to see if you might benefit from hormone therapy. Sometimes the testosterone levels are low.

Good luck with your desire to improve your life. I do hope you can find a therapist who will best meet your needs. This can be tricky since they are not always objective and their own bias can come through, depending on how they see gay behavior. Recently the idea of this being inborn (once believed by the American Psychological Association) has been discredited and the association has altered their original statement, based on these scientific studies. Their updated statement indicates that in spite of extensive study it is unclear what causes homosexuality and most likely there is a combination of nature and nurture. It is complex so there is no quick fix or easy answer, but help is available if you seek it. It is clear that change is possible and you are not destined to be gay because of your genes.

It sounds like there were sexuality and control issues in your childhood. Addressing these might help you to come to terms with your desires for your life. I do hope you can find a qualified therapist to help you. At 24 you are definitely not too old.

Good luck.

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