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- Mon May 04, 2009 8:56 am
I really want to have kids some day, but I'm terrified I won't be a good mother. I'm also scared I won't find a partner who will be a good enough dad, because I'm personally into edgy guys and I know how to hold my own. I'm 20 years old, so that's young so I'm not even sure if I should be thinking about kids right now. I want to have kids when i'm 25-27ish. Right now i feel like I'm too selfish to even be able to have kids or take care or raise them properly. I want to teach them everything I know and how to be strong. I've been called selfish in general by a few of my family members also but i personally didn't think i was selfish at all until they brought it up, and I can see where they're coming from and it wasn't my intentions at all. I'm scared I will never grow out of it, if it's just a phase of being young or if it's just who I am. I also don't know if i want to grow out of it because i love being young. To the point where I try to stay young by keeping an extremely healthy diet & exercising & beauty regimine. I just don't know what to do or feel about havings kids. I'm scared I won't be naturally good at it.
P.S. My mother had some personality disorder issues and I feel like my life was a living hell more than half the time growing up. I also don't want to bring anyone in this world if they have to go through any of the things that I went through or put anyone through that much pain.
| Debbie Miller, RN
- Thu May 21, 2009 11:03 pm
You certainly are not alone in your anxiety about having children. It is a huge responsibility and the fact that you are thinking so seriously about it, and planning accordingly, shows a great deal of maturity.
You are young and should not jump into it until the time is right. You might also benefit from taking some classes or getting therapy when the time gets closer to when you would like to start a family. Knowing the issues that concern you will help you get a jump on it and prevent problems that may arise.
Try not to worry too much about the future and enjoy this time you have to yourself. Once you have children, this opportunity will be forever changed so it's perfectly fine to enjoy being young now and plan, but don't stress over what is to come. It is impossible to plan your life perfectly so try to enjoy the ride, while taking precautions to avoid an unexpected pregnancy.
Therapy now could help you to deal with some of your own childhood issues that are causing this anxiety and could better prepare you for the future so I would recommend it.