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Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: family not helping with eating disorder


 hayles21 - Fri Jun 12, 2009 9:08 pm

I have started having a little treatment from a psychologist and dietician on a possible eating disorder. I have struggled with it for around 3 years now and because I was admitted to hospital with liver problems my parents found out.
They seem to be taking it very hard. My dad asked me a few questions and jsut told me he would be there for me.
But my mum has been awful. She has hidden the scales,changed the password on the laptop,gone through my medication to ensure im taking every one, read through my diary, rummaged through my drawers, told my friends to watch what I eat and to tell her if I had anything that day.
I get told off for staying in my room, but ignored and treated like a freak if I go downstairs. Im not allowed to clean anymore because apparently im doing it or exercise and Im obsessing.
She keeps reeling off these signs which I havent thought about. But the more she mentions the more its feeding my eating disorder. Im too stressed to eat and when I do Im followed to the bathroom.
Im feeling so down and want to talk to my mum - people are telling me shes worried and shes getting herself ill because of me which I don't want. Its making me feel guilty but I don't know what else to do. I cant cope with this.
She wants me to talk but I ind it very difficult to talk to her about how I feel because she just says 'your not fat,your lovely, just put on some pounds and you will be fine'
I wish it was that simple. Im fighting a losing battle and another with my mum. Im stuck and don't know how to approach her. Can you help me?
hayley
 Faye Lang, RN, MSW - Thu Jun 25, 2009 3:31 pm

Hello hayles21,

The fortunate thing about your situation is that you have resources in place, especially the psychologist. With your permission, he or she could address the behaviors your mother is exhibiting, and the effects on you, with her directly. If your father has influence with your mother, perhaps he could help her see that her intensity is detrimental. Many psychiatrists believe that eating disorders at the most basic level are control issues. The other symptoms develop on top of that. If you step back and look at the overall picture, your mother's behavior is extremely controlling. You and she share the same type of pathology. Of course she is worried, but you do not wish for her to do the things she is doing, so she is making herself ill and is totally responsible for it, not you. Try not to feel guilty - she reacts according to her own dictates, not yours. Please discuss the situation with your psychologist as soon as you can. There may be need for you to live in a group treatment home if your mother is unable to relent on the pressure she is applying.
Although it may seem selfish to some, it is your right and responsibility to focus on your own recovery.

Good luck to you.

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