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- Thu Oct 29, 2009 1:05 am
I am not someone very pleasant, or take thing easily. I used to be someone who easily espress my feeling to others when I was still a teanager.
When I slowly grow up, I learn to hide my feeling. I enjoy to be with pleasant people, so I try to make myself to be pleasant as well. In fact, I know I am quite popular among friends as I always looked happy and pleasant, and won't angry at small matters..
However, this is not who I am actually. Hiding my real feeling has become a burden to me, and it grows in size over years! Now it has reach a size that I couldn't bear anymore. I told my boy friend about this (he knows my problem), and he asked me try to be myself. However, after been "acting' for so many years, I am used to it, where I always act happy infront of people. I do not know how to express my real feeling to others.
Last week I met a stranger, who bullied me and make me very angry. I keep on thinking about it these few days, and cannot concentrate on my work. I keep on imagine how I should do to him, and how I should scold him, and even how I should beat him infront of everybody!
Now even a small matters I will take it very seriously. Example, I've said something wrong 2 days ago with my good friend on MSN, and I feel very embarrassed until now!
I have been acting so hard and so many years, even my mom thought that I am someone very pleasant. She often ask me to do this do that, while she don't ask my brothers to do it. That make me feel very angry, but I never told her my feeling coz I scare I might hurt her.
Is there anybody can give me some advice? I knows some basic teory... like what my bf used to advise me... however, it is aften easier to talk than to do...
| Faye Lang, RN, MSW
- Fri Jul 16, 2010 8:48 pm
I am very sorry that this response is so late. I'll provide some information and hope that it can be useful to you, as well as to others who may read your post.
You are not alone in what you have experienced, and it can be very frustrating, as you have pointed out. It's not uncommon in women, but does happen with men, as well. There are multiple factors involved, including cultural norms, self esteem, coping ability, and family style, among others. Fearing that your "real self" is not acceptable somehow is a frequent complaint. Many counsellors recommend reading self-help books, such as "Pulling Your Own Strings" by Dr. Dwayne Dwyer. That can indeed be helpful, but when the level of distress has reached what you are describing, it would be good to have a psychological evaluation to help identify the most prominent contributors. Follow up therapy can really help you reframe the way you are thinking about yourself, and the response of others to you. I hope this is helpful to you, and I wish you the best of luck.