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Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: i have a double life


 solly - Wed Nov 18, 2009 6:25 am

hi,
i really need help because this is standing in my way.
it started years ago because i hated my father, so i wished i can have another one.
so i created another father from my imagination, and collected the rest of his characteristics from movies, and that was great for some time until i entered college and he said that i am a grown up now so he will stop telling me what to do, and that was great. that year was the best year in my life.
i was in the college i wished and found good friends and i got the results i expected to my self and was really happy and so was every one around me except for him.
so starting from the next year he was back to telling me what to do and ordering me to study, and he never stopped, i can't go out with my friends, i can't watch TV in my weekend, i can't even have a weekend.
i felt that i can't enjoy my study anymore so i recreated my dream but this time, he is dead. i started to dream about myself and thing i wanted to do.
in that dream my life was perfect i have a good husband who loves me and believes in me, but i made it a near normal life, we fight and we apologize, it is beautiful but it never comes to me when i am with people or in a lecture, only when i am alone and studying, so i couldn't study anymore it even comes to me on the examination time and i lost concentration.
now it has been 3 years and i became the loser of my friends although in the first year i was the best.
i don't know what to do, i tried to stop it with watching tv or exercises, but it never stops, instead it increases.
please help me my parents see me as a loser and i see myself as a loser, and i really want it to stop.
thanks
 Debbie Miller, RN - Tue Feb 09, 2010 8:31 pm

User avatar Hello,
It is very important for you to see a mental health specialist such as a therapist. You need someone you can speak with openly and honestly who will not judge you but will give you suggestions for getting back in control of your life. A good therapist can be invaluable to you in this. You are worthwhile and you need to learn how to see that and how to get beyond the way others view you or at least the way you think they see you. It can take a while to get the tools you need but it is worth it.

Good luck and best wishes.

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