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- Thu Dec 03, 2009 8:53 pm
I gave birth to a healthy baby 9 weeks ago. The first couple of weeks were really tough and I suffered "baby blues" combined with lack of sleep. But then it got a lot better and once we got in a routine and I got some sleep things improved a lot.
I have 17 year on/off relationship with depression and thru out the pregnancy I was so scared I was going to get bad PND, but so far up until the last couple of weeks it has been going well.
The last couple of weeks I find my self on edge and anxious. The baby is a very good baby, only ever fusses if there is a wet diaper or hungry or over tired. How ever when there is a fuss I find my self extremely short tempered, frustrated and I get horrible images in my head. For instance today I was giving a bath and I was not frustrated or angry, just enjoying time with my baby and I had an image in my head of dunking them under the water. It was so vivid in my head I had to close my eyes and shake it out my had and it made me feel awful .. other times I've had image of striking the baby in my head. I can't bare it. I love my baby. Of course I've never acted on the, but I can't understand why this is happening. It scares me. I'm too scared to tell anyone in case they think I'm crazy or a danger. None of these thoughts happen when others are around me, just when I'm alone with the baby.
Other things .. and this is mostly when I'm alone it does not happen when others are around .. if I'm in a room alone I have images in my head of things in there. I don't want to call them "monsters" but they are not normal images. I see in my mind they are coming towards me, watching me, flashes of images, even with my eyes open. I don't see them in my field of vision like hallucinations, but in my minds eye? Mostly at night in the dark. I can't stand to be in a dark room .. I need light on. I understand they are not real and they are images in my minds eye.
I don't know what's going on, I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm petrified that the images might happen, I don't know why they are there, I don't want to hurt my baby .. so why is this happening???
| Dr.M.jagesh kamath
- Tue Dec 22, 2009 9:04 am
Hello,You seem to have developed some hallucinations postnatal but with good insight.You are able to look at these things and know there is something wrong going on.The possiblity of early postnatal psychosis needs to be ruled out.With having a good prognosticating sign, you still need to consult a psychiatrist,for you may need medication to get over the symptoms.It may take a while but you should be fine.Best wishes.