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Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: I hate myself, im fat and ugly - Please help.


 amy20 - Sun Jun 05, 2005 5:06 am

Hello, i have posted before, but im getting so desperate. PLEASE HELP ME!
im 21 and i have a 14month old son.
i don't really know how to start, i think i may be suffering from some kind of depression, and i have some other issues.
im sorry if you cant make sense of this im just going to type everything down and hopfully it'll mke sense.
my mother is an alcoholic, and i hate her for that, i hate her for the worst childhood memoires ever, i thought id let it go, after all she is my mother and alcoholism is a illness, but since i had my son, ive realised just howbad things really were for us while we were growing up. i have 2 sisters and 1 brother all older than me. my brother is in a strict mental hospital, one of my sisters, makes up storys, i can only think are for attention, and the other drinks way to much.
im angry, so angry for wht shes done to us, and im so hurt that even now, she just doesnt care.
i don't eat properly, im 5'5 and weight 8.8 i starve my self as much as i can and take 8mg ephedrine to lose weight, i hate myself, im fat and ugly. i know if i was thinner id be happier. my goal is to be 100pounds.
im a rubbish mother, ive no friends atall, not even one and nothing i could really call a family. i feel so guilty because i feel sorry for my son having a loser like me as a mother, ive got no concentration, and some days can even be bothered to play with my son- in fact most of the time, im just counting the hours untill, his nex nap or bed time, becaue i feel so tried. i have very loving prtner.
i can stop spending money, on stupid things, food, toys, just rubbish really. but i get some kind of buzz from it and now im in loads of debt.
whats wrong with me,?
 Shannon Morgan, CMA - Tue Jun 07, 2005 4:12 pm

User avatar I'm sorry you are so miserable - you have many disorders, the most dangerous being anorexia, but you know that. If you don't get some professional psychiatric help, your life is at risk. Think of your child.
 amy20 - Sun Jun 12, 2005 3:09 am

i hate this, i hate myself.
something has got me, i feel like im sinking, suffocating, please let me go. i don't want this, i want to be normal i don't want to be self obbessed im sure there is more to life than this. what did i do to deserve this. yesterday i had dinner a portion of cabbage and 3 bites of chicken. why did i feel guilty for eating that? i feel like my heads going to explode.
my little boys just a baby, i feel so gulity for him poor thing, having a mess like me for a mother, im such a rubbish mum, i don't deserve him.
i hate myself i want to go, to dissapear. im so alone, and so scared. no one listens to me everyone would be better off without me.
im not strong enough for this. too much has happened already. i don't know what you wantf rom me anymore. please let me go.
oh well another day, better go paint that smile on my face, as i don't want to be attention seeking again do i.
 Kirsty_Oz - Sun Jun 12, 2005 7:55 am

please don't feel as though you must "paint a smile"
if you need help you should let people know :)
hiding behind a fascade and worrying about seen as an attention seeker can only compound your issues and delay you from seeking treatment and ultimately feelign better within yourself.
please contact you local physican to discuss how you feel and hopefully they can refer you to someone who can assist you further.

i encourage you to seek assistance; you have recognised there is a problem. you are already ahead of many! consider your well being, your childs and the impact that not seeking help could have on both of your futures.
no one deserves to suffer in silence.

i wish you well... please let us know how you progress.[/code]

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