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- Thu Jun 23, 2005 9:39 pm
About a year and a half ago, I started a new job, in a big company. I had to go through 6 months of probationary period. That forced me to work very closely with my supervisor, trainer, and evaluator, every day. And, I received my first evaluation 3 months after hire.
I was called into the department manager’s office, and my supervisor introduced me to him. We went through all the necessary formalities, and he said that they liked me very much and my supervisor thought highly of me. After we were finished, I thanked the manager and started walking out. As soon as I turned the corner, I heard my supervisor say, “Oh! He is a piece of *****.” I don’t know what the manager asked, but that remark really shocked me. :shock: I rushed into my office, opened the envelope, and read my evaluation. My supervisor rated me above average almost on everything, wrote that I bring a lot of knowledge to the work environment, and actually added that the company was lucky to hire me. I asked myself, then why that remark? I have never heard that one about me before?
Just two weeks later, I heard it again, from two female co-workers in a meeting. I purposely held back information when a co-worker asked a question in my job area, because I believed it was not the time to disclose it. More work was needed! But, the two females knew I had some information. They looked at me, but nothing came out of my mouth. I stood by my decision and kept quiet. Then, right when things moved on, I heard one say to the other, “He is just a *****!” And, the other one replied, “I know.” Again, I asked myself, why would they say that, without knowing why I did it? :?
Then, I heard it again, and again, and again. From other co-workers, friends, people I met in different circumstances, even from my own sister. ‘He is a piece of sh**!, Sh**!, Oh my God Sh**! It’s that Sh**!, Look at this Sh**!’
Well, I know I am blessed in many things. I have good looks, brain, and charm; a high achiever in many things, sports, education, work. But, why am I being called a Sh**? The funny part is that later on I hear the same people say - ‘Oh! He is a good guy, or I like him, or he is really cool’, or genuinely tell me that they like the way I do things at work, or seek me out for advice.
Having a past full of emotional and physical abuse, added to a bad break up with my girlfriend, destroyed my confidence. I completely withdrew myself from all social activities, both at work, personal, and family.
Since I have passed probation, there is no direct supervision. I have built a wall around myself. Then, co-workers start to tell me that I am the most neutral person, from what was going on at work. Good! I liked that.
No participation in family gatherings or get together (no show), no girlfriend (haven’t touched a female for more than a year), no friends (wouldn’t return their calls, wouldn’t let them come over), etc. Everyone got frustrated and start to leave me alone. My sisters say it’s out of their control. My mother keeps on telling me that something is wrong with me. One time even suggested seeing a psychiatrist. But things got worse. Work-home-work-home. Weekends – stay home.
Why is everyone disapproving this life style? I know that I have greater control of what is going on in my life now.
Could past abuse lead to extreme withdrawal? If so, what can I do to start relationships again?
And, when would somebody be called a Sh**? Is it due to behavioral or physical characteristics? Immigrating to the U.S. at 16 with my family, I may not be aware of some of the cultural issues.
| Kim C, RN
- Thu Jun 23, 2005 9:57 pm
Painful issues from the past can definitely have an effect on how you respond to present day events. Cultural differences aside, you seem to have some issues with interpersonal relationships. Man is not meant to be an island. Do you want to spend so much time alone? Isolating yourself does protect you, in a way, from being hurt again, but it also denies you the pleasure of other people's company. Are you afraid of interacting with others on a social level, perhaps worried of making some sort of blunder? I think that counseling could help you work through these things. The counselor can assess you, and refer you appropriately if further intervention is needed.
The word sh*t can be used in many different ways. People can be called a "piece of *****", inanimate objects that don't function properly can be called the same, some folks even lovingly refer to their kids (when they're being naughty) as a "little sh*t"! Someone may have called you a piece of sh*t, or maybe they were referring to someone or something else. If your supervisor is giving you positive performance reviews and you are productive in your job, then I wouldn't worry about it. Remember though, that being a "team" player is considered essential in many workplaces, and rightfully so. Team effort more often than not produces better results.
Please consider the suggestion of counseling. Your medical doctor will be able to refer you to the appropriate person if you need some assistance in finding someone.
Good luck to you!
- Sun Jun 26, 2005 10:34 pm
Thank you Kim.