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Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: doctor leaves mother and newborn..


 Domni - Fri Sep 02, 2005 7:39 am

I'm looking for any information that might help me to figure out what has happened to my husband.

The night after I (34) delivered our baby girl my husband (32) was walking around our home crying and holding our baby daughter. I thought he was overwhelmed with emotion and lack of sleep from having her but when I asked him he said it was because he had started to leave me 2x during our marriage. From that point on it has snowballed into a hellish 10 weeks of crying, yelling, begging and everything in between including a date where we both actually had a good time.

My husband finished his residency 2 days before our daughter was born, he took his boards test last week and we were scheduled to move to another state in a couple weeks along with him starting in a 100+ practice.

I know that all of these things have affected him immensly but I can't make him realize it. A year ago we were planning our lives and trying to get pregnant (which took over a year to do) and now he is riding around in a sports car and talking about dividing our things up in the next couple weeks for his move to another state. I did find where he had formed a close friendship with a resident and he did admit that he put his friendship with her before me..ie: he talked to her of his issues with our marriage and not me. He swears over and over that he did not sleep etc with this woman. He has also become astonishily bizarre with "his" money and I've wondered if he is just unwilling to admit to an affair because he thinks it will cost him more of "his" money.

I also feel he has not bonded at all with our daughter. It seems that the only time he has any patience with her is when he knows he won't see her for any length of time (I've been staying off and on at my father's home) and then he begins weeping again. Otherwise he hasn't learned any of her behavorial quirkcs...such as her sucking her fists when she's hungry etc.

Has anyone ever heard of any sort of this kind of behavior?? I honestly feel that he needs counceling but he has refused it both for himself and our marriage. I am at a complete and total loss as to what to do.
 Gracie - Sat Sep 03, 2005 4:48 am

I am very sorry for all the trouble you are going through.
All I can suggest to you is if your husband refuses to go to couneling then you should go by yourself, he may just feel overwhelmed with everything and need some time to himself for a bit.
 PakMan1618 - Tue Sep 20, 2005 10:35 pm

Wow, Gracie, that seems like reasonable advice as i read this thread. (complimenting)
I agree on the side note, something is obviously bothering him, an idea.... he has the largest guilt a person can ever obtain because you both created a beautiful child, upon which he did something he can never forgive himself for doing during the relationship.
but then i wouldnt understand why he wouldnt stay with you and the child
the constant crying is quite interesting.

another idea - maybe he is torn between two loves of his life
the female which he feels he truly loves and the child and widow which he created and feels responsible for

well these are just ideas don't take me seriously...i hope this helps you somehow

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