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Date of last update: 10/16/2017.

Forum Name: Male Sexual Disorders

Question: does this sound like erectile dysfunction?

 kwin - Sat Mar 20, 2004 6:47 am

I recently became intimate with the man I am dating. I knew something wasn't quite right the first time. He stopped in the middle of intercourse and said it was because I was too tight and that it hurt him. He didn't try again the rest of the night. The second time we tried, it didn't go anywhere, he wound up stopping again. He later tells me that he has not been able to sustain an erection for a year, but hadnt been to the doctor and was too ashamed and embarrassed to tell me.

I told him that it was okay and that he should go see a doctor to find out what was going on. Two days later, he tells me he went to the doctor and when I ask him about it, he is is pretty vague. He said that there was something wrong with his kidney and arteries and that there was a valve failure and that he needed to get an ultrasound and go under the knife.

I'm no medical professional, but I thought it seemed so sudden that after the first visit, that a doctor would recommend surgery. Is this a common treatment for erectile dysfunction? I thought perhaps the doctor would try to rule out other causes, such as psychological problems, testosterone levels, etc. before recommending surgery. I was just wondering if anyone could shed some light on this for me. I would like to ask my boyfriend again, but I have the distinct feeling he will be offended or put off by my pointed questions. Thanks in advance.
 Dr. Russell M - Thu Mar 25, 2004 11:47 am

User avatar Hi!

It's pretty vague whatever details you could gather from your boyfriend. I would be in a better position to understand the situation if I came to know the tests undergone by your boyfriend before his doctor came to the conclusion of "kidney" and "valve" problems.

Reading your description, it is obvious that your boyfriend has been indistinct about his problems. I wouldn't assume on his doctor with such unclear narration of what transpired between them. But you are right when you say that erectile dysfunction needs some workup to rule out its various causes including psychogenic, before a definitive surgery targeting a specific cause.

We really need to get our facts straight before jumping into conclusions.

Warm regards,


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