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Date of last update: 10/16/2017.

Forum Name: Female Sexual Disorders

Question: First time sex

 ilak19 - Wed Jan 04, 2006 11:02 pm

Hi, I have a question concerning sex. Im really worried cus I have been with a guy for so long. He is so good to me, never stresses or pressures me about sex. I know how badly I want it now, the problem is that I am so scared. I mean I can finger myself anytime, and it never hurts, even when I am dry it doesnt hurt. But, when we try to have sex, I get scared and once he starts getting near my hole, I get scared and it becomes harder for him to push in. I bought a vibrator to practice with, but after trying to get it in, I realized I get a sharp pain once it starts going in. The pain just scares me. I thought if I could finger myself, I wouldnt have any pain whatsoever. Please help me in my situation, and let me know whats going on. Whats best for me to do? I think I am just having the normal scare, that alot of girls have, but could you please reply me by helping me with my fear and maybe giving some tips on how I can stretch my vagina so when we have sex its easier and not painful. Thank you so much.
 lemonshimmers - Sun Jan 29, 2006 2:47 pm

Don't be offended by me saying this but you sound awfully young.

My strongest piece of advice is wait as long as you can before having intercourse. And please use at least two forms of birth control. ie pills and/or contraseptives for STD prevention.

There are many alternative ways of pleasuring each other then having sex. It just sounds to me that you are too caught up in the fear that leads me to feel that you are definately not mature enough yet to be having sex.

You need to be emotionally,psychologically and physically prepared. More importantly your partner if he truly cares for you will wait as long as you need to.

I Hope you take all this in mind I know you will make the descisions on your own either way.

Best of luck

Be safe!
 bunnylove - Tue May 02, 2006 11:38 pm

Hello! I wanted to know if yous till needed help or not... but anyway i will share my opinoin whether you need it or not.

First of all i would like to say that i don't think you're to young and that you need to become older or anything to have a sex life (fyi, poeple who go around saying things like, oh you're not old enough really bother me and thats really just why i'm bringing this up) anyway... I have painful sex problems as well, and while my problem is not the same as yours i did ALOT of research and so i think i can help you. Has anyone told you about vaginismus? I think what is happening is that you are afriad of larger penetration, or penetration by something that is not yourself and becuase you are scared your body naturally tries to get you to stop what you're doing by clenching up real tight so that penetraion is really hard to achieve and is very painful for you. My advice is that when practicing with a vibrator you should take it slowly and try not to do anything to fast or anything becuase the fast movement will make your vaginal muscles tense up and cuase pain. There really isn't anything else you can do for this, but i do know if you practice alot your body will learn that sex isn't a bad thing and will stop making your muscles clench up. I hope i helped you!
 kaitka - Sun Dec 17, 2006 3:17 am

this is really a very normal situation for you girls having the painful or scary first-time sex. yes, it is painful. yes, it is scary. you may even bleed. the first time will hurt the worst. the best thing you can do to help it is to make sure you are lubricated. make sure you're aroused or use lubrication of some sort, or else the friction is going to hurt. each time following your first will be less painful, until it's not painful at all and you like it! the first few times you try to have sex, it may not even work because your muscles will tighten up if you're nervous. so just relax, make sure you're lubed up, and know that your vagina will stretch to fit a penis. later on, your vagina will stretch to fit a baby. a penis is no match to a baby. :)

when i was younger and just having sex, i wasn't using birth control or std protection. in hindsight, that is really scary. i was lucky. not everyone is. do protect yourself, even though i know - you love him, he's not cheating on you, he'd never leave you, and he has no diseases. the truth is pregnancy does happen, even if you think it doesn't happen to you. that's a far scarier situation than painful virginity loss. so have fun being young & be careful not to get pregnant or diseases! :)
 WhirlyGig - Sun Mar 25, 2007 9:01 pm

I am not against unmarried sex at all, and it does bother me when people say 'oh, you're too young', but i have to admit...... you do sound young and unprepared. I'm only 16 and have had sex with my boyfriend, and i have to say that we didn't do it until we were both comfortable with our and each other's bodies.

Maybe you and your boyfriend need more time doing other things that are less intensely sexual. Oral sex, maybe. Also, good ways to get you comfortable with having sex is to start with dry-humping and fingering. You can both finger you at the same time, which if you have a problem with things beside yourself near that area it may help with it.

When my b/f and i first got together i would tense up and if he wasn't gentle it would hurt for him to finger me (and not by lack of masturbation, lol) because i was nervous. When we had sex the first time it hardly hurt, really more of an annoying pinch than a pain for a few seconds, and i know that's not because he's small.

It sounds to me like you aren't comfortable and relaxed enough with this boy, and until you two are comfortable you either won't be able to have sex or if you do it's going to hurt you pretty badly.

Also, try buying some lube. Joe Lube brand is good, cheap, condom-friendly stuff. And it looks a little like a hair-get tube, so it's not quite so embarassing to buy. Also, please please use condoms.
 femalehelpinghand - Wed Apr 04, 2007 11:27 pm

If you are going to have sex, do not do it because you think you are supposed to do it. You have this precious gift to only give away once. Once entry is made, you are used merchandise. Choose wisely, not just anyone. I waited until I was married but that was the "olden" days.

When you are sexually ready your inner self swells with the want of your partner. It emits the juices of love that help entry.
But you are so young and do not know love but only want the pleasure of the pleasure. You have no idea what sex is yet. It will take you many years to find out what the true feelings of this sexual act is. Masturbate and love each other manually and take your time. It will bring you no thrill believe me. It will be messy and hurt and will take you many years to find that inner you as a woman that is truly capable to handle this act of love.

I was young once myself. I was like a cat on a hot tin roof. I still am. I will be married 49 years to a man I adore and who adores me. What you are, we are. As sexual as you are, we are. But don't just give this prize away to ever young man that blows in your ear or goes down on you. It is too special.

Take care. .
 missmoonshine08 - Mon Nov 24, 2008 2:03 am

often first time sex is scary, its just a natural response with anything you haven't tried before. the majority of the time when feel slight pain and some do bleed. just make sure if you decide to have sex to do it with someone who you can trust and use a condom.

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