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Date of last update: 10/16/2017.

Forum Name: Male Sexual Disorders

Question: Viagra question

 lowlevsysadmin - Fri May 25, 2007 4:33 pm

Does Viagra cause an erection after its absorbed or is it purely based on the individual's arousal? I have a bit of a psychological/sexual issue: I'm no longer sexually attracted to my wife and haven't been for quite some time. I love her and have no desire to end our relationship, but I have little desire to have sex with her. Obviously, I can't approach her with this as it will do irreversible damage to her and our relationship . Before, I could perform the duty by fantasizing about making love to other women, but thats not always working now. She's starting to become frustrated by the lack of intimacy and I'm running out of excuses. As I said, I do love her and want to satisfy her, but I need help at this point. 22 years is a lot to throw away for something like this. Thank you for any help you can provide.

 Debbie Miller, RN - Fri May 25, 2007 5:13 pm

User avatar Viagra will not cause an erection in absence of stimulation. I'm sorry about your disappointment with your sexual life. I would advise getting help with the relationship because it is most likely the psychological issues, as you suspect. This doesn't imply you don't love her; just that you need some help in reviving a long-term relationship.

If you could explain to your wife that you are having difficulty with stimulation and that you would like to explore some things because it is important to you to have a satisfying intimate relationship, perhaps you could together find ways to improve the situation. Maybe she would not be hurt if she knows you are wanting to make sex better for both of you because you love her. While fantasies can sometimes help (as you found) it would be best if you could resolve the issues that are keeping you from being aroused with your wife. There are therapists who deal with sexual difficulties. Make sure you select a reputable therapist who specializes in this area using appropriate and board-certified techniques. You may find that using Viagra or Cialis or Levitra could help compliment the psychological issues but I am quite confident you need to work on the relationship first and foremost and that the drugs alone will not do the trick.

Also, you may wish to read some articles that deal with this issue. Sometimes you need to alter your environment, make the bedroom exclusive to sleep and love-making (get rid of the TV, books, computer, other clutter, etc. that may be psychologically interfering). You may need to try some different techniques, such as finding ways to give your wife pleasure without actually penetrating her. Variety can be the spice of life in this department. As you become creative you may actually find your own level of arousal is improved. Don't be afraid to tell her what you would like to try too. Let her know you want to experiment with some techniques that might make you both enjoy each other more.

The other thing that can help is to try to do more courting. Spend time going out alone with your wife and doing things you both enjoy. Find other ways to laugh and have fun together to bring back the playfulness of your relationship. It can be difficult, especially if you have children, to get into the role of passionate lover. Find a new, secluded place to make love (even if it doesn't actually involve the act itself). Work on kissing, touching and other pleasurable activities without the pressure of needing to perform. Agree in advance that you are going to enjoy each other without actually having intercourse. There are some things you can try to get the spark going again. You may also find there are some deep resentments that you are not even aware of consciously, but if you can uncover the problems and resolve them, the sexual issues may take care of themselves.

Good luck with this.
 lowlevsysadmin - Tue May 29, 2007 7:58 pm

Thanks for the response. Unfortunately, there is no way I can talk to her about this. She takes things like this very personally and it'll really cause problems if I bring it up. I'm quite capable (and do) satisfy her through other means, but she wants to return the favor and I can't ...ahem..."rise to the occasion". She's doesn't care for the alternative methods of pleasing a guy so its intercourse or nothing. I was hoping viagra would be the answer.
 Debbie Miller, RN - Wed May 30, 2007 1:01 am

User avatar I'm sorry about your frustration. It is possible that Viagra could help out anyway - might be enough to get you past the problem anyway. I don't see you have much to lose if you are a candidate for the medication in other regards (your doctor would need to determine if you have any reasons you shouldn't take it). Good luck!

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