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Date of last update: 10/16/2017.

Forum Name: Male Sexual Disorders

Question: How can I reduce my sex drive

 don22 - Sat Sep 01, 2007 11:57 pm

I am a 28 year old male, been married 4 years or so, and I have a relatively healthy sex life with my wife. We normally have intercourse at least 3 times a week maybe more some weeks. I used to masterbate daily when we wouldn't have intercourse, but now I have tried to completely stop masterbation as it conflicts with my religious convictions, and I know it takes away from sexual pleasure with your significant other. I don't look at pornography or anything of that nature to induce sexual desires at all. Long story made short... I desire sex so passionately at least daily or maybe twice a day, but my wife on the other hand does not. At bed time I almost feel like I am demanding it, I always am the one to make a move, I annoy her when I know she doesn't want to, I push the envelope sometimes to the point of angering her, and I myself get mad because I don't get satisfied.

Well I can't complain because I know I am getting enough, but I was wondering if there is a way to reduce my sexual drive so I don't bother my wife soooo much. I looked online but it is filled with nothing but sexual drive increase meds, and methods to increase desire, where the heck are all the ways to reduce drives? Is everyone in the world a 24-7 perve? How can I bring my sex drive down to a more stable level instead of wanting sex every single day??? If that is possible it would be great, that way my wife and I are on a more level playing field for intimacy.
 Debbie Miller, RN - Sun Sep 02, 2007 12:24 am

User avatar It is a difficult problem when you and your wife have such different needs, but it certainly is not uncommon. A woman's sexual peak is typically in her 30s and 40s, while a man's peak is in his 20s. Who knows why it is this way.

As for suggestions, the one thing that comes to mind is that there are medications, such as antidepressants which can decrease a person's libido (a side effect). Sometimes drugs are prescribed for their wide effects rather than for their primary purpose. You might talk to your doctor about this possibility to see if that is something you might benefit from.

The other suggestions I would make would be to actively work on your marriage in ways outside the bedroom. This can work wonders to improve your wife's interest. Women typically thrive on romance and someone who willingly shares in the housework, the childcare responsibilities. Showing her you adore her may help increase her desire. Also, be sure you know what she really wants from you sexually so you can try to help her enjoy it more and perhaps more frequently.

The other thing I would do is pursue some activity, perhaps together, that will allow you closeness in ways that are not necessarily sexual. If you develop a hobby or do service for those people around you, it may help you to find fulfillment in other ways too. You may be able to achieve more balance in your life generally.

The good news is by the time you reach your forties, your desire is apt to wane a bit, while your wife's may peak, possibly resulting in a closer match for the two of you. Keep trying to meet in the middle and find ways to make each other happy.

Good luck.

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