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Date of last update: 10/16/2017.

Forum Name: Female Sexual Disorders

Question: Girlfriend experiences pain after sex

 spookyu5949 - Sun Mar 02, 2008 12:50 am

Not exactly female myself so I'm not sure if this is a little strange, but me girlfriend is too shy with other people to do or say anything, sorry if this is in the wrong section too, wasn't too sure. So anyway me and my girlfriend are having some trouble figuring out what to do about some pain she's experiencing after sex. Um, brief intro on us, I'm an American male, about 6 foot 3, 190lbs, no medical problems what so ever, 18 years old, she's Japanese American female about 5 foot in height, 100 lbs, 18 years old as well, a few back problems (yes...noticeable size difference, which might have something to do with this whole thing). To knock out this idea right away, no STDs for either one of us as I was a virgin before her and I personally know her only other previous partner, and he has been tested for everything and came up clean (for other reasons, long after the fact, not on suspicion that she had anything). Well, we've been having sex now for the last couple months, and everything was more than wonderful for the longest while. Except lately, immediately after intercourse she is experiencing intense pain on her vaginal lips, she describes it as a "stretched out feeling". I guess it sounds like I'm simply a little...too big for her, but we've been having sex for a while now and that was never an issue before (well, nothing more than me just having to be a little gentle, that's all). Also, it happens immediately after sex, or if we've been having sex for more than a couple hours, and/or after she orgasms once or twice. It puts her in tears half the time its bad enough. The obvious thing would be for her to talk to her doctor, I know, but there's kind of a hitch with that. One, she's a very shy girl, and I doubt she could ever work up the courage to talk to her doctor about that, two, she hates her doctor, three, she's on her mother's insurance, whom the bill comes to, and if her mother found out we were having sex she'd probably try to castrate me with a pair of goat shears or something (even though we are both 18, she's kind traditional). We kind of have a little bit of a theory as what's DIFFERENT now to be causing her this pain, but it kind of sounds a little stupid and naive. Its a little combination of things....umm, well, typical, because pubic hair is a pain in the *** I'll trim it at least. And as of late she's discovered that she enjoys it when I penetrate her kind of....deep, so for one that's stretching her out a little more than normal, and that combined with the fact that I'm a little prickly with stubble on occasion, might cause some irritation? It sounds far fetched I know but those are the only things we've done different as of late when this problem started. We are going to try letting my hair grow and be a little less rough during sex, but I wanted to hear some else's opinion first. Sorry if that all was a little graphic, but the nature of the problem requires that, and this is a medical forum so I assume that's ok. I just want to figure out what's going on, what's changed, because she beats herself up that she has these problems all of a sudden and thinks she isn't pleasing me, and I beat myself up because I feel so damned guilty that I physically hurt her by accident when that's the last thing in the world I'd ever like to do. Thanks in advance for your time if you reply to this.
 Debbie Miller, RN - Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:45 pm

User avatar Hello,
Thank you for taking time to write and for your concern about your girlfriend.

The fact that you did not have problems early on leads me to believe it is not a size issue. That and the fact that the vagina is very elastic and can accommodate varying sizes. This is rarely a problem.

The hair issue could cause irritation and I would definitely recommend trying to go "natural" to see if it is a contact dermatitis due to irritation.

As for the doctor, should she decide to go, she could make a routine physical exam appointment and just discuss it at the time. The doctor will not discuss it with her mother and they do not give specifics on the billing information. These things are confidential and it would only be billed as an office visit, perhaps labs, and even though she is on her mother's insurance, it should be addressed to her with confidential noted on it. Since you don't worry about sexually transmitted infection, it would be her decision to be checked for these.

There are some conditions, such as vaginismus but again, since this is a new development, I would doubt this is the situation. This could also be something that would be helped with some increased lubrication so try getting something over the counter and be sure there is continued lubrication throughout the course of your sexual encounter. You mention "two hour sex" so it could be just too much friction.

Good luck.
 spookyu5949 - Mon Mar 03, 2008 2:46 pm

Thank you so much for your reply, it helps immensely. I'll talk to her about the confidentiality thing with her doctor, that might persuade her. We hadn't given lubrication much thought as it certainly doesn't feel like at any point there's any excessive "friction", but our sexual encounters seem to be as long as they are frequent at times (I guess we have a healthy sex life) so it couldn't hurt to try that as well. Thank you again so much for your reply.
 Debbie Miller, RN - Wed Aug 06, 2008 10:41 pm

User avatar You are welcome! Good luck.

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