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Date of last update: 10/16/2017.

Forum Name: Male Sexual Disorders

Question: Never had penile pleasure, low libido, psychol. v urological

 MyTurn - Sun Jan 25, 2009 9:23 am

I'm 26 years old. Male. I fancied girls in school, but began to wonder if I was gay around 14. Depression set in. Suicidal. I obsessed 24/7 over finding out if I really had "turned" gay, or was my past hetero feelings phase or mistake. I thought coming out my help, so I did. It didn't help. I started to notice girls more again around 16, but avoided relationships while still unsure. I watched hetero porn and noticed that women seemed to get more pleasure than guys (clitoris, multiple orgasms, no pressure to perform/pleasure, G spot, moan more = more enjoymen, etc) and this saddened me. I wanted equality.

I first (sorry) masturbated at 23, not out of pent up sexual frustration, but to get pleasure. But I didn't get any. Only the orgasm. Penile stimulation felt like rubbing my arm. I hoped sex would be better.

I admit to jelqing for about 5 months, around this time, but would have notice pleasure fading (not NEVER being there) if this were the cause.

Age 25: I promised myself to avoid relationships - but foolishly got involved with a girl who became my girlfriend. After performance anxiety (which I wondered if it was sexuality-based = anxious vicious cycle) for a long time, I started having sex, and that too was devoid of pleasure until the orgasm.

For a while I blamed my girlfriend who had not long had a child by her ex (widened vagina). But came to terms with it being me. And sunk into more depression. Only this time, I was able to give but not get pleasure. Any libido I have (which is terribly low) when I am around my gf is killed once I realize during sex that I'm getting no pleasure. I've become jealous of my girlfiend who loves sex, and women for whom it seems sex is one big Orgasm with bigger O's on top. Men have less pleasure (no moaning til the O). Then at the bottom of the chain, is me.

I've tried focusing on my pleasure, on hers, on my glans, on my frenulum, on relaxing, watching all kinds of porn including one with guys, attempted prostate stimulation [alone w/ Aneros massager (]...nothing.

I went to the doctor for a testosterone test: it came back average. He said: "Some people just aren't sexual. It could be psychological". Women who have this type of issue are offered advice/resorts: "maybe it's your guy, focus on the clitoris, see your gyn". I don't see guys who have ALWAYS had my problem.

I can't accept this. This week at work I was so anxious and depressed I cried and called a psychiatrist (apmt in 1 months time. Too long!) It has affected me as badly as the sexuality OCDlike depression. If I got pleasure from masturbation, I would say: "YES! Def psychological", but it seems I have no penile pleasure and a low libido (there has to be a relation?).

And my low libido is being further killed coz now I think "why bother?". I really feel this is more urological.
 John Kenyon, CNA - Sun Mar 08, 2009 10:09 pm

User avatar Hello --

Hopefully by now you've had your encounter with the psychiatrist, as this part of the puzzle does need to be addressed, although I am inclined to believe your depression is not the cause but rather a side effect of your concern with the problem. I further tend to think you're probably right, that this is either genitourinary or perhaps endocrinological, even if your testosterone levels are within normal limits. Other body chemistry can affect our sexual interest and abilities, and sometimes the cause can arise from overlapping areas both psychological and physical. A good psychiatrist should be able to at least help you deal with the stress of having had to live with this situation and the resultant depression.

Please follow up with us as needed here, and update us as to anything new you learn.Best of luck to you.
 Boston123 - Sun Mar 07, 2010 9:12 am

The same thing is happening to me. My libido was fine until I developed an anal fissure. Now there is almost a complete lack of sexual interest, drive, and sensation. I'm not sure if this is psychological or physical, or what type of doctor I should see.

I'm currently seeing a therapist/psychiatrist for treatment of depression and have started a really small dose of trazodone. I take less than 25mg.

I'd really love some input.


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