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Date of last update: 10/16/2017.

Forum Name: Female Sexual Disorders

Question: sexual aversion disorder

 kahilian - Wed Mar 25, 2009 2:49 pm

I made a post in the psychiatry section of these forums, but on a second look I thought it might fit better here. Here 'tis:

I've been having a problem engaging in sexual relations with my husband for the past two years or so now. We've been together almost 8 years, and in the beginning of our relationship that aspect was perfectly normal and good. But after we were married (about 5 years ago), I was unfaithful in many very damaging ways; damaging to our relationship and to my own mental health. We split up for a while, during which time I threw myself into all sorts of unhealthy, unnatural sexual relationships, till I finally came to my senses and came clean to my husband. We're now back together, having worked on our relationship, and we're in a good place in every aspect but the bedroom. Every time our foreplay reaches the point of sexual contact, I get a disgusting feeling and badly want it to stop (unless I've imbibed a certain amount of alcohol). I go through it for his sake, but during the whole event I feel like I just want to die. He knows I'm not enjoying it either, so it's been gradually more and more of a strain on our relationship. I can't afford to go to any kind of therapy; that's out of the question. But I'm wondering if there's anything I can try to do on my own to work through this problem and be able to enjoy intimacy with my husband again. I know that this problem stems from those unnatural relationships I had before and during our separation, and also from prior sexual trauma I had as a child, but that knowledge isn't making the problem any less. In fact, as time goes on, I find it getting worse and worse. I'd appreciate any advice, thank you.
 butterflygirl - Sat Apr 18, 2009 10:44 pm

I have a similar problem with my husband. I love my husband and couldn't imagine my life without him, however when it comes to intimacy I have several issues. We have been married for two years, we dated for five years prior to marriage. For years, we had a very healthy sex life, in fact there were many times I wanted to have sex and he didn't, this is not the case today. I have been going through an "aversion" to sex or any kind of intimacy. Even kissing, hand holding, or cuddling makes me feel very uncomfortable. The last time we had sex, which was sometime last year, I just did it for him, I wasn't at all into it (this had been going on for several months). I literally felt sick to my stomach the next day to even think about what we had done the night before. It actually made me cry to think about it. We haven't had sex since. I was hoping this "aversion" would go away on it's own and that it's just a phase, but it hasn't. I feel this way even though I have been faithful and he's been faithful, bless his heart since we haven't been having sex. I've tried being open and honest with him about how I feel, but it hurts his feelings because he thinks I'm not attracted to him anymore.

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