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Date of last update: 10/14/2017.

Forum Name: Gynecology

Question: Hello, no one ever answered my questions

 bunnylove - Fri Apr 28, 2006 9:36 am

I'm restarting this becuase no one ever answered my questions but i'm starting anew becuase now i'm completely lost... So sex REALLY REALLY hurts and i don't know what to do about it anymore becuase i've been to lots of doctors and here is what each one said:
1. you don't have a problem, just put a tampon in it and come back ;ater so we can do a pap smear
2. you have vaginismus
3. you defintely don't have vaginismus you're to young to have sex (i'm 18)
4. The pain is all in your head (this made me want to kick the doctor and believe me it took all i had to hold back from doing so)

Now it doesent hurt when only my finger is in there, what does hurt is the area right outside the vagina, now i finally got through my hymen which was a cm thick (which i thought was abnormal to begin with but whatever) and i thought that once i got through it my problems would be solved but the area outside stil really really hurts. And even though the hymen is torn the flesh above the vaginal opening is still tearing, is it suposed to tear there? becuase i think thats where all the pain is coming from. I just want someones opinion about this, i don't care if you're a doctor or not i just wish someone would reply for once.
 Coffee0ooYummy - Fri Apr 28, 2006 10:41 am

User avatar I am not a doctor or a nurse but I think that since you are just beginning to have vaginal intercourse and the hymen was just recently broken through that is one reason you are having pain. I think you are going to have to have some healing time before the pain will all go away. Sounds like your partner might be large and might be tearing you a little as well. Is his penis rather thick? That might be your problem right now, and even so, a penis is much thicker and longer than a finger. He is stretching your vagina and until you get used to it you are going to have some pain. Hope i have helped some. I am sure someone else will post a reply soon and let you know more.

 bunnylove - Fri Apr 28, 2006 11:10 am

ya thanks for replying so soon, yah hes really big and i'm a rather small person i mean i'm 4' 11" and i weigh 85 lbs and hes like 6' 2" and weighs 130 or so (he's kind of skinny) but yah i know its really big and all but i didn't think it was suposed to hurt THAT much, i mean like my finger hurts and its really small, and i didn't really think small things were suposed to hurt... and if his penis is in there it feels like my whole body is on fire so i think its really just stretching WAY to much at once and i don't know how to stretch it like a little if i can't even get my finger in there...
 Coffee0ooYummy - Fri Apr 28, 2006 2:45 pm

User avatar try a little vaginal stretching with his or your fingers during foreplay before you have intercourse. This might help out some too. But make sure he is easy with you. and makes it as enjoyable for you as possible. You might have to use some form of lubrication,(like KY Liquid)
Hope this helps out some.
You had mentioned before that you had some tears outside of the vagina. do you still have these tears? If so, How large are they? and Are they starting to heal at all?

 bunnylove - Sat Apr 29, 2006 1:23 pm

yah there are some tears right above the vaginal orifice (but not a part of it) no they're not healing, they never have healed and it doesent look like they will so i thought they were suposed to be there... but i don't really know

About stretching though... I've tried it but it doesent work, as i said before the only real thing thats gotten in there is my finger and i think he got in there once but i'm not really sure. And the other day i tried stretching it but it doesent stretch, for one thing the outside hurts ALOT and the inside is really really tight, so much that there isn't any room for anything bigger then my finger and i've tried moving it from side to side and down but it doesent stretch so i don't know whats wrong with it but thats just how it is. Other then that i don't need lubricant, trust me.. i don't and i'll just leave that at that.

One small question... is the very top at the begining of the vagina suposed to be really tight and then after an inch or so open up alot? Becuase thats how mine is. It feels like theres a big bump at the top near the opening and then it just goes away once you're in there a ways.
 Coffee0ooYummy - Sat Apr 29, 2006 5:45 pm

User avatar Hi Bunny,

1 the tears are not supposed to be there. you need to keep them clean as possible so they don't get infected okay.

2 It sounds like you want to have sex but your body does not. sounds like you are gonna have to take some extra steps in the process of love making to get your body ready to recieve your boyfriend. he is going to have to take more time and be more patient with you. much more foreplay is in order for you darlin to prepare you, much much more, make sure that you are not in much pain at all before he tries to enter you okay. you will be able to stretch and if you still cant stretch at all after a few different tries of long foreplay and vaginal stretching and effortless tries at intercourse i would suggest you find a new GYN and see what the problem is. all women even virgins can take a rather large penis darlin, it might take a while but it will eventually be able to happen. I am not saying there will be no pain with it, but the vagina is made to be able to stretch to deliver a child think of how big around a babies body is. Your vagina will and should stretch darlin, just give it time. And if your boyfriend cares for you which it sounds like he does he will be patient with you. I wish you much luck darlin. But please remember to always practice safe sex.

3 yes, what you described sounds right the little "ball like thing" does it have ridges? that is normal as well.

Hugs Bren
 bunnylove - Sat Apr 29, 2006 7:11 pm

i just wanted to give some background of what has happened before i started this thread becuase i know you don't know...

first of all, I have been trying to have sex for two years now and i havent made ANY progress except for making some rips that aren't even suposed to be there

second of all, before we try to do anything sometimes there might be foreplay for an hour or so but it never really makes any difference except that it makes me excessively wet to the point where its dripping everywhere, but more lubricant doesent help either

third of all, i TRIED to go to many many different gyn, ones that weer male, ones that were female, some were young most were old and they all told me a completely different thing, the most helpful one that said i had vaginismus told me to press at the top of the perinuem, and it does make the vagina open up so you can actually see there's a hole there but it never gets any bigger then half the size of a dime

lastly, i've tried streching it multiple times and havent made any progress with it either, as of now i've decided never to try again and lead a celebate life becuase i'm very frustrated and depressed that i can't have what all other women have and i'd very much like to talk to someone whos had the same problem as i have and see what they did. I've talked with my boyfriend, and future husband about it and he thinks its fine and says that no matter what he doesent want to hurt me, and i respect him for that most highly becuase i know no other man would do that... that i know of anyway. If anyone else responds thats fine but i don't think any other information will make me ever want to have a sex-life, EVER.
 Coffee0ooYummy - Sat Apr 29, 2006 7:17 pm

User avatar Awe darlin, I am so sorry to hear this. I really wish I knew the perfect doctor for you to go to. I am happy however that your fiance is so supportive of you. Please let me know if there is any change in your diagnosis later on.

Hugs and Love Bren
 gules41 - Mon Dec 21, 2009 9:59 am

hi there
i am really concerned for you...the tears you mention are not normal and should be thoroughly checked out by a health professional.
and with the problems you are experiencing with vaginal penetration i really believe what you are describing is not totally normal say you are having trouble with the doctors taking you you have a women's health nurse any where in your area? this would be the person to see or perhaps front up to the accident and emergency department at your local hospital..often a nurse that takes the initial information will be a little wiser and kinder than a gp and can point you in the right direction and refer you on to the right need to demand help , you need to see someone and to talk to someone write down all your symptoms and take the list with you.
now please don't give up on sex yet, it is a beautiful part of a are experiencing problems that need to be sorted and they will be, then you will be able to start again with trying
BUT you need to be demanding and get someone to take need attention..take your man with you for support and help..
good luck and i hope i have been some help to you.. gules

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