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Date of last update: 10/14/2017.

Forum Name: Gynecology

Question: Sex Still Agonizing After Almost a Year

 Questioning21 - Fri Jan 22, 2010 3:12 pm


I am a going-on-21-year-old female who has been sexually active for almost a year (including college breaks, where my boyfriend and I have been apart). During that time, my boyfriend and I have had sex a couple dozen times. Each time, with a single exception, has been utterly agonizing for me.

I have been to two nurse practitioners, who have both done exams. Everything is normal except that I have a very high acid content in my vagina. I have taken a baking soda bath to try to bring the concentration down, but sex is still torturous for me.

I have always been terrified of sex, so I and others have wondered if this has a fixable psychological undertone to it. But psychologists have no idea what it could be (I was never molested or raped), and it is NOT vaginismus or any sort of tenseness. I can be completely relaxed through the entire affair, and it would still be painful. We also use PLENTY of lubrication, so that should not at all be a problem.

What I realized recently is that, during sex, I can feel that there are two areas that are quite a bit tighter than the rest of the vagina. Those are the two places that hurt the most. They feel like two rings of tight muscles that hurt very much when they are pressed through from either direction, particularly as a penis changes in width from shaft to head.

My boyfriend and I have tried having sex every few days for a week and a half or so, having sex every day for a few days (but that made it worse and worse, so we stopped), and leaving a week or so between times. The one time I enjoyed it was when we had done it every few days for a long period of time. But even then, it took a great deal of time to get to that point, and once we feel behind once, it was right back to the pain that it had always been.

I assume I am right in thinking that this is not what sex should be like. I love my man, and he treats me beautifully, and he is the MOST patient man I could ever ask for when it comes to sex. It tortures him when it hurts me so much, but I want so desperately to get to a point where we can both share our love with each other in the deepest way possible. But why is this so horribly painful for me?

Please, please let me know if you have any suggestions. I’m most anxious to hear thoughts on the two tighter rings of muscle, as I feel like that may be a key to understanding why it is so awful.

Thank you so much for your time. My boyfriend and I so appreciate it.

 Debbie Miller, RN - Thu Jul 08, 2010 5:25 pm

User avatar Hello,
I am also baffled about this problem you are having. I wonder if you might benefit from a licensed sex therapist. It seems you have explored all the physiological routes. I know it can be difficult to talk to someone about this but I would suggest you look this direction next.

Have you consulted with a gynecologist besides the nurse practitioners? It seems like it would be worth it to get another opinion. You may be able to come across someone who has had a patient with a similar complaint. Scouting around and doctors comparing cases can be quite helpful as they can share their experiences.

Good luck.

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