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Date of last update: 10/14/2017.

Forum Name: Gynecology

Question: female 36 and still virgin

 my_virtual_avatar - Mon Aug 16, 2010 6:08 pm


I am 36 and still practically virgin. I need more reliable information about the medical side of the problem, otherwise it might turn into a serious physiological problem (if it hasn't already).

Have good general health and regular periods since the age of 12. Have been at gynecologist only once (as part of compulsory general check) at 16, but she didn't examine me since I was not sexually active. Recently also visited my GP due to post menstrual pain and he preferred to give me painkillers, and to avoid physical examination due to my virginity. I have never used tampons. Due to circumstances (not to religious or other views) I am practically still a virgin. Not happy with that state and statistics which show I am not the only one, alas, do not help. My current partner is 41, not very experienced, but gentle and caring. We have tried intercourse with penetration few times (perhaps too few to draw conclusions, but more than once), but it did not work, because he is afraid he is hurting me or he finishes too quickly. Yes, it does hurt, but is difficult for me to know if the pain level is "normal". Once there was the tiniest drop of blood, but no real penetration occurred. Inserting a finger does not hurt, but the penis feels like being stopped by a barrier.

I would like to know if it has been studied scientifically weather the hymen loses elasticity with age and would that be a problem during penetration? Can I suffer from vaginitis- how can I know? One sexologist suggested in an online consultation that I probably have that condition and I should be treated by first being penetrated "artificially", but that idea terrifies me. Please, advice me on what I can do as it affects very negatively my relationship, my life and my self-esteem and perspectives for the future!

Thank you in advance.
 Debbie Miller, RN - Mon Aug 23, 2010 7:13 pm

User avatar Hello,
It is definitely time for you to have a pelvic exam. There are cases of intact hymen which needs to be treated but it is a relatively simple procedure and will cause you much less trauma than what you are currently experiencing. If the doctor determines that all is normal physiologically you can consider psychological causes but be sure to be up front with the doctor about the concerns you are having and how your intimate experiences are being adversely affected. The doctor won't be able to help if he/she does not know what is happening.

In the meantime, try being intimate without penetration being the goal to be sure your arousal and lubrication are sufficient. Don't be afraid to try topical lubricants to help with this. You may try a tampon (with lubrication) to determine if you find the same barrier concern.

These things are usually fixable so be patient but get the help you need.

Best wishes.

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