Medical Specialty >> Gynecology

Doctors Lounge - Gynecology Answers

Back to Gynecology Answers List

If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately. Doctors Lounge ( does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Site.

DISCLAIMER: The information provided on is designed to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between a patient/site visitor and his/her physician. Please read our 'Terms and Conditions of Use' carefully before using this site.

Date of last update: 10/14/2017.

Forum Name: Gynecology

Question: Vaginismus?

 mee-ho - Wed Sep 21, 2005 1:29 am

Helo. I am 17 yrs, nearly 18.
Trying to have sex is painful and discomforting, as is being 'fingered.'
Boyfriend goes slow and I am lubricated, the head of his penis goes in and then it feels like something is stopping it going any further because it hurts too much. Is this because I am a virgin and I am too tight and still getting used to it? Or could it be something more sinister?

I have heard of vaginismus.. Could this be a possible cause? If so, how can it be treated? I am not frightened or pressured into having sex and I feel relaxed.

We have been trying for over 10 months and it still hurts me and is difficult for any sort of penetration. I have not been to see anyone because I am unsure of what to say. And also I figure that if they want to have an interal examination, they will not be able to due to me not being able to endure something being stuck 'up there.'

Anyone, ideally a gyno, have anything to say pls?
 mee-ho - Wed Sep 21, 2005 1:32 am

*internal examination, rather.
 mee-ho - Wed Sep 21, 2005 1:41 am

Heh, sorry to be replying to myself but I have another statement to make.

When I insert a finger into myself, I can feel it's all tight.
I can then consciously relax and tighten my muscles, which kind of leads me to the conclusion it may not be vaginismus.

But still, it is still painfully discomforting to continue going any further.
Is this just because I am a virgin and just need to keep doing it?
But then again, like I have already said, we have been trying for 10 months, and still the same scenario.. some times it goes in further, but still no more than the head or slightly more.

If I had an obstruction or a short canal, would this still be causing it to hurt?

I'm sorry for all the confusion, but it is stressing me out that I am unable to enjoy something to special with my boyfriend who is extremely patient.

Thanks for taking the time to read this... and maybe reply..
 Shana Johnson, CNA - Wed Sep 21, 2005 7:52 am

User avatar The "barrier" you feel is your hymen. It is because you are a virgin. This needs to break. You will bleed, and it is painful, but after that you are not a virgin anymore, and sex will be eaier, and not as painful.

Please make sure that you are well informed about sex and birth control and the risks you are taking before making the desicion to have sex. It is a huge responsibility.
 mee-ho - Wed Sep 21, 2005 9:38 pm

Thankyou very much for your reply, I really appreciate it.. This is the 2nd time I'm writing this coz I don't think it worked the first time, but if it did, I apologise.

Firstly, I have been well educated about sex and I understand completely about the repurcussions and safety of it all. Also I am fully comfortably discussing this with my parents and and boyfriend so it is not merely a rash decision.

How is my hymen meant to break if every time I keep pushing him away because it hurts too much? Should I just bite my tongue and endure the pain to let it happen? Or Is there another, easier way to break it? Say, by using tampons?

Like I said a couple of times before tho, we have been trying for a number of months to have sex and you'd think it'd be getting easier, but it isn't :cry: What could I do to try make the journey easier? Will using more lubricant help? Something, anything else?

Once again, thankyou very much for your reply, if anything, it's given me peace of mind that this is normal :/

 Shana Johnson, CNA - Wed Sep 21, 2005 10:37 pm

User avatar Yes lubrication will help.
Go slowly, enjoy a lot of foreplay, make sure you are completly comfortable and ready to take the next step. Have your boyfriend go slowly, stoping if you are uncomfortable, when you are ready to take the next step, yes it is painful, and yes, you will bite your tounge and endure the pain, and after that, it will become more and more pleasurable.
You may have a shorter canal, and you may have a smaller vagina, all women are made differently, for some, losnig their virginity doesn't hurt that much at all, and for others, the pain is immense.
 mee-ho - Wed Sep 21, 2005 11:57 pm

Thank you so much for everything you've said.
I'm sure things will happen when the time is right and when they're meant to :)
Once again, your help has been very much appreciated, I'm sure you're a great nurse!

| Check a doctor's response to similar questions

Are you a Doctor, Pharmacist, PA or a Nurse?

Join the Doctors Lounge online medical community

  • Editorial activities: Publish, peer review, edit online articles.

  • Ask a Doctor Teams: Respond to patient questions and discuss challenging presentations with other members.

Doctors Lounge Membership Application

Tools & Services: Follow DoctorsLounge on Twitter Follow us on Twitter | RSS News | Newsletter | Contact us