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Date of last update: 9/9/2017.

Forum Name: Pediatric Topics

Question: help w/ my 3.5 yr old

 splume - Fri Jul 15, 2005 3:54 pm

I am reposting this ONLY because I first posted it under the psychiarty topic and my reply from Ilovepatients was to take my son to a psychiarst.... and then she locked my question from any replies.... If she had read this thouroghly, she would have seen that my son IS seeing a psychiatrist..any additional comments wouuld be appreciated. Thanks

Hi my son is 3.5 yrs old... he is 3ft 5 and 48 pounds. He goes to daycare during the day and in the evenings he is with myself or his father or both. He has a 10 yr old sister.
He is a very bright and imaginative opniion and the opinion of his daycare givers. Problem is he is very disruptive at daycare... screaming, yelling, telling teachers no! and purposfully doing things to annoy people.... like singing loudly at nap time when he knows to be quiet. He is very violent as well, he will hit shove or throw things at other students and his sister and me. He has gotten into biting himself when he is angry, and when I see it I try to restrain him from biting himself and tell him he can not hurt himself. I have taken everything from his room until it only had a bed in it and when I asked him how he liked that he replied... yes he liked it. He saw a psychologist for the first time last week, where he was bouncing all over the office , not minding and yelled some.. the dr said he was too young to diagnose, but he was writing down review of adhd... although he is capable of sitting down and doing his classwork, and he enjoys having books read to him... he's got some memorized which he repeated to the psycologist. He told the dr and myself several time in the past and during his appointment that he just wants to be left alone. this was a reason why he smacked a child across the face before, because she looked at him and he just wanted to be left alone.... we are having his blood draw this week to check for any medical problems, and I am to make an appointment with a pediatric neurologist and he is being tested by the early childhood center in August. If anyone has any suggestions on how to help control him, or any ideas why he would be like this please let me know! Thanks...
 all_about_samanne - Fri Jul 15, 2005 9:12 pm

Although my son doesn't sound like he was as extreme as your sis, he did do many of the same behaviors. Some worse (trying to hurt his siter who was younger and never showing any remorse for anything). Sad to say I was a bit frightened of him, I actually thought he could harm me or my daughter as we slept. I took him to a child psychologist who was wonderful. He taught me several parenting "tricks' or techniques that worked. Very very simply my son was fighting to be in control (there was more to it than that). I was told that he would have "cycles" when his behavior would begin to spiral downward (this has been quite true). The cycles have been emotionally draining but have become fewer and fewer (I hope this offers some hope) OI tried to always have a good child psychologists number handy (we have moved a few times over the years) he has had to go back a few times and visit the dr periodically through the years but he is now much better adjusted (he is 12 now).

I guess ultimately I can only say try to find a good doctor whom you like and follow his or her advice. Good luck!
 Dr. Heba Ismail - Wed Jul 20, 2005 3:34 pm

Dear splume,
I am not a child psychiatrist, but would like to offer a few suggestions you may find helpful:
Know what triggers him:
Knowing that your child becomes easily upset under certain circumstances allows you to avoid or work around these situations and be prepared for them. It might be helpful to keep a journal to figure out.
Avoid physical punishment:
Be cautious of how you express your feelings, because children are always watching and learning from you. Yelling or hitting an already angered and destructive child seems only to up the anti. If you expect your children to act responsibly and calmly, be sure to do so yourself.
Know your child's temperament:
Knowing your child's personality allows you the advantage of foresight. If your child does not do well with unexpected occurrences, try to keep his or her day routine. Use the insight.
Be a role model:
Being a role model not only involves controlling your own emotions, but also teaching your children how to express theirs, both good and bad, appropriately.
Reward good behaviour:
This can work wonders. The key is to inform them of what is first expected, to reward them soon if not immediately after they obey, and to always withhold any and all rewards if they do not obey. The best kind of reward is praise. Children need to know their parents are proud of them.
Always remain calm:
No matter how agitated, upset, or aggressive your child becomes, it is much easier for them to relax if you are also calm. Despite your own concern, do not try to rationalize with them until they have calmed down. The more aggravated your child sees you become the more power he has gained over you and the more likely he will be to repeat the behavior.
 kabeebabee - Wed Dec 14, 2005 1:48 pm

Hello, my name is Misty and i don't know if this will help you but they told me too that my daughter was to young to diagnose. At as early as 18 months my daughter was showing signs of adhd. Not sleeping, hitting thowing, I know 18 months is young and they are still babies but i had a daycare and have watched many infants and toddlers and none were like her. She would play in her own feces especially when she was disciplined or in trouble. She was constanly bouncing off the walls. As she got older it got to were we rarely left thge house because i also have another child older than her adn it was impossible to keep an eye on her. We would walk right outside the door and she was off, she would get down the block and across tthe street before i could catch her. I mean talking constantly, very loud, very disruptive, interupting everyone, hitting, throwing things, you name it, then she started with little habits like wanting to bath 10 times a day and biting the skin off her fingers and getting infections, many little obsessive traits. Still at age 3 doctors were saying shes too young. Mind you, I have slept in like a year in half, Several months after her 3rd birthday she was ran over by a truck after darting off and running across the street. That is when the doctors finally tested her and she has been on the medication since, she will be 6 in april. It is still hard, the medication doesnt make it all better. She has been on all kinds of meds and again is getting ready to get her dosage upped. And she is still not sleeping, shes up until 2-3 am and never sleeps past 9 am. The meds don't help a bit with the sleeping, it makes it worse. If you seriously think this is what your child needs and you are willing to put your child through the constant med changes and sleepless for not only you child but for you too, then keep at the doc, find all the documention online that your child identifies with, and you know everything there is to know about ADHD and the common meds for it then make copies of what you find and go back to your doc with the complete knowledge and show them you know what you are talking about and you fully believe this is what your child had, they will give in and test your child, let them know you know what your in for and have done your homework on it. I hope this helps out, if not sorry for rambling on. Good Luck
 spongebobkids - Wed Dec 14, 2005 5:53 pm

I have an almost 4 yr old who is showing some of the very same traits. One that really bothered me was the biting. I watched her very closely but did not stop her from doing it as she was only biting herself. She stopped doing it when I would watch her do it but not stop her all I would do is say you are only hurting yourself. She has not bit herself in several months. It seemed like it was a way that she was trying to get attention when she would get angry or frustrated. I have since then been reinforcing her using words to tell me and my husband what she is feeling and giving her an outlet to express her anger and frustration. Also how is your childs speech and does he know how to say I'm angry or I want to be alone when he has those feelings. When he acts out like that seperate him from the situation he is in and show him that it won't be tolerated. Also work with the daycare to find out his triggers maybe the things he is doing are not geared towards his intelligence. He may be more advanced than the other kids. Also give him an outlet and a safe place and things to do when he gets angry( ie: punching a pillow or stuffed animal.) I'm not saying don't follow up with a therapist but these ideas are worth a try. I know they helped my daughter.

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