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Date of last update: 8/24/2017.

Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: Scared about possible rape

 ga478 - Tue Jan 02, 2007 10:38 am

Well when I was abut 9 years old i went to this sleepover at my friends house and this girl at the sleepover touched me in my vagina and made me touch her and kiss her i really cant get pass this i put it behind me for so many years and hardly ever thought about it but i did sometimes. When I was about 11 or maybe younger my male cousin and i were at home alone and he was rubbing his geniitals up against me and holding me down while he did it. I discovered masterbation soon after that and i havent been able to stop. Now I am 20 years old i have never had a serious relasionship with a boy i have talked to them on the phone but it seems as if i always scare them off.Now iam depressed i feel sad all the time i feel like crying all the time . I have crushes on boys but i was always scared to say anything or scared to commit to one. NOw i really want a boyfriend but iam afraid and i don't know why. Now the thoughts that are going through my mind are am i gay because i never really dated any boys i don't like girls i have never had a crush on a girl. Does the thing that the girl did to me make me gay?? Because I sont want to be and i know that is not right in the eyes of God. why cant i stop the thoughts in my mind telling me im gay when im not? im sorry if this is not the right place to post this.
 Dr. K. Eisele - Wed Jan 03, 2007 12:14 am

User avatar ga478:

These are some serious issues you're grappling with. You sound very confused and frightened, for which I am very sorry.

The other girl's actions do NOT make you gay. They don't even really make her gay--"just" a rapist, even if she was only a pre-teen. Rape is not a sex act. Rape is all about power and exerting that power over someone else. It's about stealing from someone the most private and personal aspect of themselves. Ditto for the male cousin.

I would suspect that, at this time, you can't really know if you are homosexual or heterosexual, because of these two very intrusive encounters that have been forced upon you. The statistics are, however, in favor of you turning out heterosexual--only 1 - 2% of the population is homosexual.

I found the following information from a study done in Minnesota, and published in Pediatrics, the journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, (Vol. 89, April 1992), Demography of Sexual Orientation in Adolescents, by Remafedi, MD, MPH, et al.:

The age-related data suggests that uncertainty about sexual orientation is a normal part of development. It is also clear that in most cases, those who are unsure end up being heterosexual.

This statement was based on their data that at age 12, 25.9% of teens are unsure of their sexuality, and that 98.4% of the 74.1% who are sure are heterosexual. The percentage of those unsure about their sexuality decreases with age, until at age 18, only 5% are unsure, and 99.2% of those who are sure (95% of the total), are heterosexual.

I believe it is safe to say that the two encounters that occurred years ago probably set you back as far as your ability to interact with people you may find romantically interesting. I think these events in your life understandably cause you to fear committing to a potentially sexual relationship when your experience of sex was as traumatic as it was.

There are many therapists available who work with people who have been traumatized. If you don't know of any such therapists in your area, your local community mental health agency should be able to help you find one.

Good luck to you!
 Dr. A. Rajput - Wed Jan 03, 2007 7:44 am

User avatar Very nicely summed up by Dr. K. Eisele.

Well when I was abut 9 years old ..
When I was about 11..

Both the incidents were way too early in your life. To be frank, your participation in both was just due to some factor, either force, fear or curiosity. It has nothing to do with the sexuality, whether gay or straight. Infact its brave you spoke about it even though you seem to be a bit anxious.

I discovered masterbation soon after that and I havent been able to stop.

Its natural. Nothing to worry about. No need to think negative about it either.

Now the thoughts that are going through my mind are am I gay because I never really dated any boys I don't like girls I have never had a crush on a girl. Does the thing that the girl did to me make me gay??

Not at all. Its was just out of curiosity. Remember you were only nine? That in no way makes you a gay.

Because I sont want to be and I know that is not right in the eyes of God. why cant I stop the thoughts in my mind telling me im gay when im not? im sorry if this is not the right place to post this.

If you 'don't want to be' then ' you are NOT' a gay.
Now as you know the facts, stop struggling with yourself. Its just a matter of time and you will definitely find a right person.

Best luck.
 ga478 - Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:23 pm

could i have ocd about being gay i was reading something onlne about people with gay ocd and i fit alot of the descriptions
 Dr. K. Eisele - Sat Jan 06, 2007 2:43 am

User avatar ga478:

I don't think you're OCD about being homosexual, but of course, I'm not there, so I can't really answer that.

Only a trained professional sitting face-to-face with you can answer your question, I'm afraid.

Good luck to you!

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