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Date of last update: 8/24/2017.

Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: Raped and Worried What High School Counselor Will Do

 caroline24 - Sun Nov 18, 2007 7:55 pm

Okay so i have a female friend and she is 18. Well she went to a college party and was raped by three guys. All the guys were really trashed and she decided not to press charges. But now she cannot go to sleep for more than two or three hours a night because she cannot forget what happened. She is too scared to go and talk to the high school counselor because then her parents will find out. It that true will the counselor contact her parents?
 Sandy Tracy RN - Sun Nov 18, 2007 8:35 pm

User avatar Hi Caroline24,
The laws differ from state to state on what a school counselor is obligated to tell parents or legal guardians regarding certain situations.
Most counselors follow the Amerian School Counselors Association guidelines. (ASCA)
This states that if the student is in danger or in danger of hurting others, The student waives her right to privacy, It is necessary to consult with other professionals about the situation or compliance with laws designed to protect the student are an issue. Then a counselor is obligated to talk to parents.

On the other hand your friend was violated, your friends rights were violated and it is going to take alot to get past this. Why is it your friend is afraid to let her parents find out? I understand that this is a difficult situation, but your friend needs all the support she can get. I encourage your friend to start with her family doctor and be tested for STD's and the possibility of pregnancy. Although your friend wants to not "punish" the ones involved it is in her best interest to protect herself. Alcohol is not an excuse for violent behavior. Your friend needs to talk to someone as soon as possible before the reprecussions become worse. The possibility of Post Traumatic Stress disorder is very high in rape victims. It is best to get this in the open now and deal with it.
I wish you and your friend the best of luck and feel free to write back and let me know how things are going.
Sandy RN
 Dr. K. Eisele - Mon Nov 19, 2007 1:02 pm

User avatar Dear Caroline24:

I would like to add to Sandy's post that your friend is 18 years old. I don't believe that the school counselor has any right to tell your friend's parents.

I agree with Sandy, however, that your friend needs her parents' support at this time.

 caroline24 - Mon Nov 19, 2007 7:49 pm

My friend told me that she believes that the school does not care if you are 18 or not....i guess in high school being 18 does not consider you an adult. I mean the school says your parents are still involved if anything happens.

She is scared out of her mind that her parents will think it is all her fault...since she is the one that decided to go to the party in the first place. Her parents are really STRICT...they will not listen to her side of anything and they are really hard core Catholics and believe that you should save sex tell marriage. So if her parents find out she will probably be sent somewhere far away or never allowed to leave the house. Also, this incedent happened during the summer (July) she knows for a fact she is not pregnant...

The only thing i am worried about is that lately she has stopped eating as much, actually she only takes a few bits of food and that is all she eats for the day!! But she does always have a smile on her me i know it is fack, but to everyone else thinks she is the most outgoing girl in school! She tells me that everything will blow over or she will finally just forget about it. She says if she acts like nothing is wrong then no one will ask and then she will not have to think about that night.
 Dr. K. Eisele - Mon Nov 19, 2007 8:13 pm

User avatar Dear Caroline:

I hope your friend does not have anorexia. Anorexia is a fatal illness. Also, her chances of major depression are very high given the circumstances. Depression can also be a fatal illness.

As her friend, you should encourage her and use whatever pull you have with her to go to her parents. Remember the saying "friends don't let friends drive drunk"? This is really no different. I'd like to propose a new saying--"friends don't let friends stay depressed." This saying carries as much weight as the drunk driving phrase. Either way, your friend is playing with fire.

Dr. E.
 Laura787 - Sun Dec 02, 2007 1:02 pm

First off: I am not a doctor, but im 17 and have been in the same position as your friend. My ex-boyfriend raped me repeatedly, and also my best friend.There were a bunch of other factors, but I never told anyone and went into a huge downword spiral that resulted in a bad eating disorder, major depression, and a few suicide attempts. Therefore, i do know your friends situation, and trust me she needs support from the people around her.

Her school guidance counsellors will not likely tell your friend's parents if she was 18 at the time of the incident. However, the counsellor may call the police if deemed appropriate. If your friend isn't eating you should be worried about her. Generally this isn't a good sign, and yes it definately gives an underlying message that your friend is not okay. With the catholic religion (in most churches and sects), if your raped you are still considered a virgin. As a friend, there isnt really anything you can do but try and push her to get help. Anorexia is a dark hole thats really hard to get out of. It has a limited recovery rate. The longer it goes on for, the harder it is to recover. Try making sure that your friend is okay, and if it gets any worse call her parents yourself (but tell your friend first. don't let her talk you out of it). She may be mad, but you could be saving her life.

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