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Date of last update: 8/24/2017.

Forum Name: Antidepressants

Question: Difficulty with Suicidal Thoughts, I want them to stop.

 Tattoo Man - Tue Mar 11, 2008 7:25 pm

Hi I am a 47 Y/O male that was diagnosed with depression and DID (multiple Personality Disorder) 2 years ago. I have been going to Therapy and the Psychiatrist for medication religiously and I don't hold anything back when I talk to my Therapist or Pdoc. The thing is I am losing my Therapist he has to move on and he is used to my Suicidal thoughts. If I get another Therapist I am going to have to go through all the safe routine. I was a Crisis counselor so I understand why they have to worry when someone has a plan, but if I can't express what is going on in my head without the fear of being thrown into the psyc ward everytime how am I going to get any better? I need someone to find out the source of my suicidal thoughts. My alters are all settled and try to help me from seeing the bad things. Right now I have a choice of discontinuing therapy, waiting for a new therapist or trying to seek a new one on my own. I am not sure I can go through all that again so he or she will understand what went on in my past. I can't see them reading my 94 pages of notes that we wrote to our therapist. I want the suicidal thoughts to stop; I can live as a multiple that is not a problem. The visions of me doing myself in, that is the problem. If you have any thoughts or suggestions I would welcome them.
Tattoo Man
 Dr. E. Seigle - Wed Mar 12, 2008 8:12 pm

Dear Tatoo Man,

It must be very difficult for you to have to lose your therapist and start with a new one; you have disclosed a lot and it's hard to start over. I think that a key to your dilemma is to talk to your current therapist about how to make the transition to the new therapist as easy as possible. I don't think you should end your therapy without having a new therapist in place. Often, therapists such as yours would be willing to help find you a therapist experienced in treating DID and to help you make the transition. This could happen by them talking together about you, or I have been involved with meeting with therapists and their patients together so as to be introduced. In this way, you could meet the new therapist with the safety of your old one there. In addition, you and your therapist could discuss your concerns about your ability to discuss your suicidal thoughts freely without automatically being hospitalized- you'd need to have a way to indicate when such thoughts need to be responded to with hospitalization, and which just need good, supportive listening. Finally, your therapist would customarily provide your new therapist with a treatment summary to help to distill those 94 pages into a few, and thus to condense it and allow your new therapist to get the "gist" of your condition and its treatment. You might even respectfully ask to see a copy of the summary or even to consider helping to construct it- (this is a bit unusual, but might help involve you in your own treatment and allow you to highlight what you think is most important for you to have your new therapist know). In fact, you can write him your own summary in tandem with what your therapist does.

To summarize, speak up, discuss your worries and concerns with your therapist, and plan ahead for what will be difficult about this transition, and make a plan for what you will do to take care of the different hard possibilities.

Good luck. Remember, I don't know you, and this is not a psychiatric assessment nor recommendations, so follow the advice of your providers who do know you in preference to mine.
 Tattoo Man - Thu Mar 13, 2008 5:42 pm

Hi Dr. Seigle,
Thank you for your suggestions, I only have one appt left with Dave and then he is gone so that won't be possible for us to meet with him and a new therapist. We have figured out the source of the suicidal thoughts and hopefully we will be able to figure out what to do. You see we have inappropriate thoughts about men to the point that it interfears with our sex life with my wife. I am unable to respond to her. It took us a long time to put it together. I know that being bisexual is not considered a psychological issue but it is very distrurbing for me. The reason my name chosed is tattoo man is because that is how I have hurt myself in the past. My wife made me promise not to do that anymore so I don't. She made me promise not to pierce anything else also and that was a relief when things got bad. I do not like myself because of the things that were done to me and the things I did as a child. It makes me look at men in a bad way.

I will discuss finding a new therapist with my wife though. She doesn't know how frequent the thoughts run through my head. She just wants me to be normal again whatever that is. Yesterday I went to buy a gun but I fought the urge. I know it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem but I do get so sick of living like this.
Thanks again
Tattoo man

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