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Date of last update: 8/24/2017.

Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: Is It College...Or A Problem??

 BURacer01 - Thu Apr 03, 2008 6:12 pm

I have a dilemma. One of my close friends (whom I am not on speaking terms with right now) seems to be having a lot of problems. She is on the track team here but was forced to red shirt due to an injury, she recently went through the loss of people she thought were her friends, and she just broke up with her boyfriend (me) because she said that the feeling wasn't there anymore. The thing is, this past weekend, she went out and got drunk on 3 consecutive nights. I was really worried because I wasn't there one of the nights and I didn't want anything to happen to her. We spoke about things recently and she told me that there have been times in the past where she has performed sexual acts on other guys while she was drunk, one of those she said that she was so drunk that the guy pretty much took advantage of the situation and she performed oral on him. She tends to flirt a lot when she is drunk and I don't know if that is really safe. I myself do not drink for personal reasons so I don't know what it is like to be drunk. It just seems to me that she is using alcohol to escape or cover up her problems. She even said, jokingly, "Maybe I should stay drunk so my shoulder doesn't hurt." I don't want her to think that this is the right way to take care of things and I want to help her if that is necessary. Are my concerns justified or should I just let her keep doing it? How would I bring this up in a conversation? I don't want her to get hurt or hurt herself but I feel that if it keeps up, something bad could happen.
 BURacer01 - Sat Apr 05, 2008 1:12 pm

i forgot to add that her father is a recovering alcoholic.
 Dr. A. Madia - Sun Apr 06, 2008 5:06 am

User avatar Hi,

Of course you must talk to her. Getting drunk itself is bad enough and then indulging sexually with anybody and everybody is derogatory to one's social image, personality and health. You being her ex-boyfreind are understandably and justifiably concerned.

You have to be tactful here. Broaching this subject, you might be misunderstood. You being in a relationship with her in the past, she may take it you are now jealous of her or trying to be possessive. You have to emphaisze the point effectively that you still really love her [which is evident from your post here] and care for her and it is because of some real concern for her well being that you are trying to talk her out of this.

You may also try to work on her fitness issues and the problems with her other friends.

Also whatever led to the breakup between you may also need some attention and rectification. Handle this very delicately and with utmost care,

Best of luck,

 BURacer01 - Tue Apr 08, 2008 12:32 am

I am currently getting help for my problems.

I really am genuinely concerned for her. I know that children of alcoholics are more likely to become alcoholics themselves and that they are more likely to marry someone with an alcohol problem.

Talking to her now would be pointless. She does not want to see anyone else's view right now. She say that, ".....and honestly I told I don't give a f*** any more what people think. I am who i am.. the only one living my life is me and if anyone has a problem with the way i live my life then they don't need to be in it."

I am so confused at how to handle this. PLEASE HELP!!

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