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Date of last update: 8/24/2017.

Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: My ex sends me sexual messages - How do I make him stop!

 seriously12345 - Fri May 30, 2008 5:36 pm

i hate my ex boyfriend, we dated like 3 years ago.
well i don't hate him. but i told him i hate him.
i don't want him to go away forever.
but he thinks i want a relationship with him, b/c i stupidly said that i did, but i didn't mean it, i said it because i had just broken up with someone else and was confused.
anyways, my ex randomly texts/messages me (sexual) comments, and it gets on my nerves.
i wish it didnt get on my nerves, but it does.
i would like us to have a mature friendship or something, but it's nearly impossible.
i used to say unnice things to him, but then i would be nice again
i have psychiatric problems, and i think he knows that..
How do i get to have a normal friendship with this person?
 Dr. E. Seigle - Sat Jun 07, 2008 8:08 pm

Hi again seriously12345,

From what you are saying, I'm not sure if you think you can have a friendly, respectful, appropriate relationship with your ex-boyfriend. Here are some thoughts to consider:

1. he is not able to have a healthy relationship with you. In that case, you might tell him next text message that you will no longer respond to messages with a sexual content (or whatever else he might convey that would be upsetting or inappropriate), and that you will no longer respond to him if he continues.

2. If you feel that he could respect this and you could follow through with it, you could tell him that you;d like to talk together about how to have a healthy friendship if he is interested. If so, you must be clear about what you will and won't accept, and you absolutely must follow through that you won't continue the relatioship if he can't accept your limits. If you feel it is appropriate, you might invite him to do the same.

3. Think over what you have tried in the past to have a healthy relationship. If it hasn't worked in the past, there's a good chance that it won't now. If you think that you've tried it all, maybe it's time to say goodbye. Only he can change himself, you can't get him to do it.

Good luck! -E. Seigle MD

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