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Date of last update: 8/24/2017.
Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics
|natli - Wed Oct 29, 2008 7:20 pm|
I've always been a litle antisocial and introverted ( rather self centered) and an abuser of substance as an escape when im down and i always feel justified when i do if im not happy.
I don't feel safe/comfortable around people unless they are my closest friends, and even then only after an initial 'nervous period' of getting use to, lately ive felt like I speak from more from two aproaches- one where ive got no confidence and im afraid of hurting or offending the other person, and rather than saying what i wanted to from 'feel' as i would i speak with a thesaurus in my mind and words ideas taking back sentences before i say them cos i think they could be misinterpreted. highly apologetic to the point of pathetic most of the time. the approach is where i know im understood loved and safe and i say what i want to and ive been told im alright when im like that. i hate that when im nervous i think so fast and scattered that i lost what i wanted to say then and its because im thinking so much i detach myself from the feeling, and ive got a bad memory- ive always had a 'worse memory' than others but i think it's because i don't really care much about the stuff my memory was tested on- i recall things, say things- more from how i felt, anywaymore artsy- and i think the only way i can talk on one train of thought is from feeling. otherwise it comes off completely different.
I used to have a safe place at home when i lived with my brother. this year has been completely different- ive lived alone and have had different groups of friends staying over at different times- all in all my routine has changed. i don't sit and watch tv feeling 'safe'- i would do my work, clean the house- sleep early. i was a very lazy and messy person previously and the actual way of life is different. the amount of dishes i wo uld do made me feel like a dishwasher. . ive got confrontation problems. . i avoid when i can and then have tantrums when alone ranting out loud about everything that upsets me. sometimes those rants upset me more because im walking around the house which doesnt feel like a home when i do. with a cat meowing at me which i feel really really bad for because it hasnt eaten ( cept dry food ) in 10 hours, and while i know it will not die- it upsets me that people don't empathetically realize that just as they get hungry, others do.
sorry ive gone on and on. the reason im writing this is that of late, my nails are cracked and thats not normal, i think my hair is finer or falling. my hands shake more around people. for the past week ive had shortness of breath- though i think nerves and my being aware of my breathing and trying to control it is affecting that too. last month i got pins and needles on my arm after playing guitar which i felt for about 2.5 days later fading in time, that was the first time i experienced needles to that extent.
I have been alot more stressed, ive been feeling rather hopeless at my ability to be understood, and at anybodies ability to help me. to somewhat. . just have the same concern family would have with no ulterior motives. . i feel like my friends all care to the extent that it does not inconvenience them. and i feel like i give more than i can. or take more than i can- take stress i mean- take stuff that really get to me. and also let things get to me. I over-analyse.
if any advice can be given on how i should better my state of mind. i apologize i was supposed to write the symptoms only. thank you for reading all these word and help would be appreciated.
thank you for your time
|natli - Fri Oct 31, 2008 8:25 am|
my sleeping patterns have change quite drastic. I used to sleep for at least 8 hours a day, and even then wake up with an effort.. I truly enjoyed my sleep.. now i wake up like clockwork at 8am when i sleep at 4, and start worrying about all sorts of things to the extent get up upset cos i cant fall asleep.. and more often than not get up quite angry. ive had on average a tantrum a week. my hands shake alot more when i am angry , and destruction doesnt feel like a choice.. my hands shake alot, i break things, i hurt myself, not on purpose but i am alot more aggressive in my actions. . I don't think my mind works as well as it used to. I often lose my 'train of thought', i think Ive become paranoid and nervous and when thats the theme in ur mind its hard to find stableness. i twitch alot. when i swallow nowadays more often my throat is.. constrictful so noisy, which further enhances my lovely nervous pathetic state.
alot has been changing and im not happy, and I really don't feel confident I've explained my situation that well..that is all.
thank you for your time.
|natli - Fri Nov 07, 2008 6:55 pm|
now ive got another psychotic conundrum where i have participated in an unwilling routine of checking this website to see if my first-actual ( yes, actual) plea for 'help
or, advice, or support.. call it what you will. . All in all I say I have been let down immensely by this shananigan of a 'help/health' forum you've got. kudos to the good you have done here though. See here, this is me moving 'beyond my circle' and joining the 'world' for the 'greater good' if we can do good. we do. if we can stop evil. we do. no. no we don't. because we all stopped caring way before the we, we stopped caring as intensely the second it diverted attention away from ourselves, even if it was from ourselves- we would consider the pro's and con's of a life the benefits and privileges as if we were god, and if it fits into our whole 'agenda' of what we call a life. like we were given the power, but it destroyed us when we knew we had it- because we used it for ourselves. for the moment. for what i believe to be as the 'religion' of so many delusionals thinking about nothing but the next time life will seem alright, and never stopping to wonder why the concept of an 'alright life' was something that people practice, daily, on a regular basis. that was the majority and that was the reality and if so many others see it and say it then let it be so and it must be it so let us just carry on with our day. all in all it's been an excellent life, i was a tad antisocial but that was also because i was tad moody and a tad shy and a tad introverted and a tad quiet and a tad mad. but only because i had my zones and they were mine and my tad stubborn with the shy obnoxious and quiet contradicting the moody and the aggressive. All in all Ive been an entertaining narrative to myself in my zones at the time. all in all does it matter? if it comes down to just that. then, really?
truth is see. nothing ever does. nothing ever will. nothingness, or rather 'objectivity' is what life is all about. everything and nothing. and those are precisely what i care about. and therefore.. poof.
|Faye Lang, RN, MSW - Sat Nov 08, 2008 5:26 pm|
Your level of distress is complicated. Some of your symptoms indicate low self esteem, anxiety and depression, and some of your symptoms could be related to a physical condition, such as hyperthyroidism. It is necessary for you to see a physician for possible medical issues. If you do not see anyone at a mental health clinic, you would benefit from doing so. Adjustment to your new living situation is adding to your level of stress. There are community groups and on-line groups for many issues; you could look for groups helping with anxiety, and self-esteem. An assertiveness group could also help. The longer you are untreated, the more the symptoms will be overwhelming. I urge you to make an appointment with your doctor, and tell him or her all that you have described in your message.
Good luck to you.
|natli - Sun Jul 04, 2010 4:39 pm|
Thank you Faye for your advice those many years ago. I did not end up seeing a psychiatrist at the time, but I did see 2 different psychiatrists twice in 09 regarding an abusive relationship that I was in from the beginning of 09 ( which they both advised me to end) I think I'm almost 'normal' now.. heh, stopped the weed and extacy and so the anxiousness decreased. Although for a while since the beginning of 2010 I was convinced that I'd changed my personality and become a different person. Now though..I think im building myself back to a more recognizeable confident humanoid.
no more philosophy for me:) i will become a writer one day.
Wishing you well
|Faye Lang, RN, MSW - Tue Jul 13, 2010 4:16 pm|
Hello, natli -
What a delight to hear from you again and that you are doing so well! Congratulations to you for the hard work of recovering. I apologize that my response did not seem helpful to you at the time. As you know, it takes real time and effort to resolve such serious issues, and you did the work - and you deserve the credit.
I wish you continuing good health and good luck!
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