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Date of last update: 8/24/2017.

Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: sexual aversion disorder

 kahilian - Sat Mar 21, 2009 9:19 am

I've been having a problem engaging in sexual relations with my husband for the past two years or so now. We've been together almost 8 years, and in the beginning of our relationship that aspect was perfectly normal and good. But after we were married (about 5 years ago), I was unfaithful in many very damaging ways; damaging to our relationship and to my own mental health. We split up for a while, during which time I threw myself into all sorts of unhealthy, unnatural sexual relationships, till I finally came to my senses and came clean to my husband. We're now back together, having worked on our relationship, and we're in a good place in every aspect but the bedroom. Every time our foreplay reaches the point of sexual contact, I get a disgusting feeling and badly want it to stop (unless I've imbibed a certain amount of alcohol). I go through it for his sake, but during the whole event I feel like I just want to die. He knows I'm not enjoying it either, so it's been gradually more and more of a strain on our relationship. I can't afford to go to any kind of therapy; that's out of the question. But I'm wondering if there's anything I can try to do on my own to work through this problem and be able to enjoy intimacy with my husband again. I know that this problem stems from those unnatural relationships I had before and during our separation, and also from prior sexual trauma I had as a child, but that knowledge isn't making the problem any less. In fact, as time goes on, I find it getting worse and worse. I'd appreciate any advice, thank you.
 Tim W Latsko - Wed Mar 25, 2009 9:55 pm

kahilan; it is clear that you have experienced significant amounts of trauma and I believe that the best treatment you can pursue is with a therapist/psychologist who has specialized training in trauma. There are many techniques that can be used by properly trained clinicians to assist people suffering from trauma.

In abscence of therapy, self help books that focus on sexual trauma can be helpful; however I am concerned that without professional intervention this aversion may persist. Many communities mental health centers offer individual therapy for free or on sliding scale and offer group therapies that focus on recovery.

Keep us posted and good luck..../Tim
 kahilian - Thu Mar 26, 2009 11:59 am

Thanks for the advice. Yeah, I'd love to see a therapist... I don't think there's any kind of free mental health care in my area, though. Sliding scale would be too much money, too. In fact, the purchase of a self-help book might be an extravagance, but I'll check out the library. I also don't want to call too much attention to this in regards to my husband... But yeah, I'll see what the library has to offer. Thanks again.

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