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Date of last update: 8/24/2017.

Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: I don't know how to help my husband...

 so_tyty - Tue Apr 28, 2009 6:17 pm

I have known my husband for 6 years and he has always been a very agitated person but in the past few years it has gotten a lot worse. He overreacts to everything. he gets so mad so easily. he thinks that every one is out to get him. like he will drive 5 blocks from our house and swear that 3 people almost hit him, and they did nothing wrong. the other day i put a box in front of his closet and it was clearly in the way and instead of picking it up he kicked the box across the room and broke everything in it which mad him even more mad. I just don't know what to do. We have a son and I don't want my husband's attitude toward life rubbing off on him. He does not have insurance so I don't want to take him to the doctor unless I have to. He knows that there is something wrong and thinks a pill will make it all go away, but will it? What do i do?
 Debbie Miller, RN - Thu May 21, 2009 11:43 pm

User avatar Hello,
This is a mental or behavioral health issue and it can be very frustrating for the whole family. As you said, there can be learned behavior by your child also. I agree it is important to get help with this before any more destruction. This kind of anger and frustration can seriously impair relationships, employment and self-esteem.

Medication may be indicated once an accurate diagnosis is made but it will require at least seeing a mental health professional of some type -perhaps a therapist. You may be able to locate a community mental health clinic. Call your local health department or contact NAMI for referrals. There are support groups to help family members learn to deal with people like this as well so you don't enable bad behavior.

Keep in mind that until your husband wants help there is little anyone else can do for him. Hopefully the fact that he recognizes that medication may be needed means he will be receptive to help at your suggestion. He needs to know he is loved and that you desire the family to feel happy and safe.

If you belong to a church, it is possible there could be some type of help through that organization. It is good that you are recognizing how destructive this can be down the road because the sooner he gets help the less damage there will be in the long run.

If at any time you feel you are in danger or your child's safety is at stake, you need to be prepared with a plan to get away to a safe place. There is an excellent book called Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft that I recommend to anyone who is involved with an abuser. Men with a short fuse and quick temper often become abusers - emotional, then physical. Anther good book is, The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. There are many more good resources on emotional as well as physical abuse and it is good to prepare yourself for the possibility this could happen to you.

Good luck and best wishes

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