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Date of last update: 8/24/2017.

Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: No friends

 Richard2342 - Fri Jul 03, 2009 11:59 pm

Hi. I have a problem. I don't really have any friends. I am going into my third year of college. I'm really quiet. I haven't made any friends during college. I'm really quiet, and I'm just not interesting enough for people to want to talk to. Most of my friends from high school don't talk to me anymore. I've tried starting to talk to some of them again on AIM but they usually ignore me. And then at a job where I recently started working I try to be friendly but I'm just boring. And then of course not having friends makes it harder to make new friends, because what if someone asks what I did over the weekend or something, I of course did nothing. And then if someone tries talking to me, asking a question or something, I just answer and don't continue the conversation. And sometimes I'll ask people about themselves but I don't know, it just feels more like I'm quizzing them with generic questions.
At the beginning of college I tried talking to my closest friend from high school about it but she stopped talking to me after a while because she said she thought I was trying to get attention. And then I just feel terrible when everyone is talking and I am just sitting quietly. One time I went out to dinner with people from work and had a lot to drink, which I don't usually do, and even then I wasn't very loose-lipped. I don't know. I'm not sure what else to say. Could someone give me some advice, please?
 Debbie Miller, RN - Thu Jul 09, 2009 5:20 pm

User avatar Hello,
There are some disorders that affect sociability, such as Asperger's Syndrome. Skills can be learned that don't come naturally. Sometimes a support group for such conditions can be helpful.

In some cases it may be that you could benefit from expanding your world a bit. Rather than just relying on work associates and those that come your way, try involving yourself in a group activity, take a class for fun or join a sports team such as community softball, church basketball, bowling league, etc. A dance class (like ballroom or country) forces you to be sociable and if you stay with it eventually could become a good network of friends. If you affiliate with a church, get involved with others with like values. If you don't belong, consider researching churches to see if this is something that would be meaningful to you.

There are other skills that can be learned by joining a group such as toastmasters. They are designed to help people learn to speak in public, as with talks, presentations and speeches, but the skills learned could help with communication in other areas as well.

Do you like to play chess? Consider joining a chess club. Do you like to hike? Check into community activities, National and State park programs. Getting into areas of interest will put you in contact with others who have like interests. You will get to know people who are similar and also have something in common to talk about.

Volunteering to help in something of interest to you would also be a good thing to expand your horizons.

As you become more involved in different aspects of life, you will have more things of interest to say to people.

Do discuss this with your doctor to see if there is something biological going on - depression or some other disorder that makes this more difficult for you. You might also get counseling. A therapist might be able to help you learn some social skills.

Good luck in this venture.

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