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Date of last update: 8/24/2017.
Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics
|InnaNewYork - Mon Jun 07, 2010 7:07 pm||
I'm currently 18 years old, soon to turn 19 on August. I' am exhausted and tired of living the way I do. I started watching porn at 14; however intense feelings of gult followed. After only a year of watching it; I started having panick attacks and weird depressive thoughts. I began to look at life as dull and boring. At 15 I went to see someone but he insisted on me taking prescription, I refused and left to heal myself on my own.
Thing have not changed much, I control my panick attacks, but my insecurities have overshadowed me as a person. I feel ugly, fat , foreign ; I envy everyone; I feel as if my peronality is nasty and I can't get along with anyone, can NEVER hold a job.
However; it doesn't end there (yes i'm out of control mentally) I'm always spending time home; never go out and feel comfortable in my own home. I went to my mother's appoinment for her vagina check up and I ran out the room fainting. I watched a movie on women giving birth ...again I fainted . How to explain this weird person I've become. I miss the old, fun me, I miss childhood; I JUST WANT TO CRY =[[
|Faye Lang, RN, MSW - Fri Jun 25, 2010 6:30 pm||
You are very hard on yourself. Your deep-seated feelings of guilt and what appears to be some confusion about sexuality in general are certainly causing you extreme distress. You have resisted treatment with medication, but would benefit from reconsidering your stance on that. It's true that medication alone is not likely to resolve the issue, but it very likely would be an important part of your overall treatment. If you broke a bone, you would see a doctor to have it fixed, and you would take whatever pain pills, anti-inflammatories and/or antibiotics that were necessary and allow the bone time to heal. Consider your emotional difficulties as broken emotions, which may require medication and psychological treatment, and which may take some time to heal. After all, you have been suffering with these symptoms for several years, so there is not likely to be an overnight resolution. I urge you to see a therapist; if you look into a public mental health agency, a therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist and group treatment are likely to all be available to be used in your treatment as needed. You are not alone in your symptoms - there are many others like you. If cost is a factor, public mental health agencies generally charge based on your ability to pay. And if you need to cry - then cry. It helps relieve some pressure and produces some hormones that help, at least for a while. You are not weird - you have some troubles and considerable fear. Treatment can help you. Please try it.
Good luck to you.
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