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Date of last update: 8/24/2017.

Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: Masterbation Jealousy

 NoxAngel - Tue Jul 06, 2010 6:29 am

I am a 31 yo female. I have had several partners in my life that have masterbated but it never really bothered me. My new Fiance and I have been arguing about it for a while now. I feel like I am keeping him from something he enjoys and if I say anything I feel like crap, but he tells me that it isnt important if he masterbates or not. He even went so far as to stop masterbating, However he has started doing it in his sleep. Out of all the partners I have had, I have never had an orgasm untill I got with him. I love him very much and want him to be as happy as I am in all aspects of our life together to the point that I have tried to hide the fact that I was feeling Jealous of him masterbating but I am getting upset if he is just scratching hisself and I don't feel it is right. I had bottled it all up to the point that I tried hanging myself from the tree in our yard. I have never been comfortable with a guy masterbating but it has gotten like ten times worse since I got with him and I don't understand why. Can you help me find an answer?
Nox Angel
 Faye Lang, RN, MSW - Tue Jul 13, 2010 4:21 pm

Hello NoxAngel,

I'm sorry to hear of your distress. Masturbation can be a highly charged issue for may people, particularly when there is any discomfort regarding expression of sexuality. Since it hasn't bothered you in the past, it does seem to be related to your relationship with this particular partner. Open communication is the best approach, as you have tried to do.
 Faye Lang, RN, MSW - Tue Jul 13, 2010 4:30 pm

Hello again, NoxAngel,

I'm sorry for the disruption - I apparently bumped a key that I shouldn't have, and an unfinished response was posted.

As I was responding, open communication is key to resolving any issue, including those of a sexual nature. You and your partner may each have to make compromises, as it appears you have both been willing to do. Men have multiple erections during sleep, and touching themselves in a sexual way is very common and has nothing to do with how they feel about their partner or the level of their affection for them. Because your sexual experience with him has been the best you've had, you may be more sensitive to all of his related activities. Talking with a therapist may be very helpful for you both. Would your partner like you to wake him up if you awaken and notice his masturbation movements? Are you willing to have sex more frequently? Are you fearing that masturbation means he doesn't enjoy sex with you? These are the type of issues that you could discuss with him and with a therapist. Having the answers may be very reassuring to you so that you no longer feel threatened or unhappy about his activities.
I hope this is helpful to you, and I apologize again for the interrupted response to your concern. Good luck to you both.

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