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Date of last update: 8/24/2017.

Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: Desire to be raped/murdered to end the pain

 Pitbull_lockdown - Wed Jul 21, 2010 1:52 pm

i'm 22 y/o (female) now and was badly abused as a child (sexually and emotionally). There has been a lot of stress going on for me and i just wanted it all to end (the stress and the constant nightmares), so i had been talking with this guy online whom i had found off of some website and he had also been badly abused (he is 21) and he offered to rape/murder me. We graphically planned how he was going to take my life, what method and under what circumstances (including him mentioning buying a knife specifically to butcher me with). In the emails he talked about several different topics including: snuff, cannibalism, and others (I'M NOT INTO ANY OF THOSE SUBJECTS, he is) and he wanted to take my life by gutting/throat slitting while raping me in front of a camera. Me and this guy formed a strong bond and we used eachother as therapy, discussing our problems and the abuse we both suffered. Well, turns out my brother ended up snooping through my emails and read them all. To be honest, it was all basically just a role-play/twisted fantasy for both of us to get our frustrations out with our current situations. Could this get either one of us in trouble with the law? (and by the way, i'm not suicidal!! it was more just venting. Once again, me and this guy have a very close relationship even though we have never met and chances are, we'll never meet). Could (WOULD) a counselor commit me for having this desire?
 Faye Lang, RN, MSW - Wed Jul 21, 2010 2:37 pm

Hello, Pitbull_lockdown,

It's not likely that you could be committed for what you have described. However, what you are doing is not safe and it is not likely to improve your status. Such communications and "close bonds" online can be dangerous; it is possible to locate individuals through their email address. There have been serious consequences of trusting online communications, especially those containing such violence. It is also a concern that by participating in the type of "venting" that you describe, you are simply reinforcing your perception of being the victim in a severely abusive relationship, and that will not help you alter your perception of yourself as a victim or help you build positive feelings about yourself. If you are not receiving therapy for your history of sexual abuse, it is important that you do so. Many public mental health agencies provide individual and/or group treatment for this issue. These agencies generally base their charges on the person's ability to pay. Feelings of shame, feelings of responsibility for the abuse, self-loathing, anger, and self-abusive behavior are some of the common issues of having been sexually abused. Please consider seeing a qualified therapist and immediately discontinuing the type of communication that you described.

Good luck to you.

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