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Date of last update: 8/24/2017.

Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: I always wanted to be diagnosed with a serious illness

 kazzie89 - Thu Jul 22, 2010 6:18 pm

I don't really know where to start.
Ever since I was younger I always wanted to be diagnosed with an illness such as Cancer or something degenerative (I know its awful to wish for) to somehow make me feel better. I often feel low and annoyed with the world and those around me, but my family see me as just being a hormonal teen who has an attitude problem and as such I've never relayed to them any personal or private issues since my teens. When I get annoyed I look to hurt myself physically to eradicate the emotional pain by either punching something or hitting myself. I've also started not going out much and wanting to keep to myself in my room in my own space alot. I feel more in control there and relaxed, but get jumpy and aggitated if someone knocks on my door or I enter a new social situation. I also have a type of escapism world whereby when I'm by myself, like walking up the stairs to my room, I pretend I'm part of my fave tv show being interviewed on my way to Starbucks or theres some gossip about the show i'm being asked about. I answer the questions and feel like I'm there in the moment.
I know it's a real mixed bag of symptoms but any advice is appreciated.
 Faye Lang, RN, MSW - Tue Jul 27, 2010 8:52 am

Hello kazzie,

It's true that the teen years can be difficult, as the person searches for their own identity and independence, as well as for attention. Many even pretend to be stars or important persons, and can laugh about it. My concern for you is the punching and hitting in order to release the tension of your emotions. That plus your tendency to prefer isolation could be indicators of a more serious issue. It would be good to tell your parents exactly what you have described in this forum; if you feel you can't start with that, then perhaps you could speak to your doctor, a school counselor or a trusted older relative. If your behaviors continue, it would be wise to see a psychologist or psychiatrist for a detailed interview to determine if there is a significant diagnosis and need for treatment. I hope this is helpful to you, and I wish you good luck.
 kazzie89 - Tue Jul 27, 2010 10:37 am

Thank you for your reply.
I understand the searching for an identity and attention in your teen years but I am now 21 and still find myself most at ease in this other life I've created. I don't like talking to people about my personal life or my feelings, not even my closest friends know alot about me so I'm struggling to see how talking to people face to face will help me, hence why I'm here searching for an answer. I know people will judge me and I can't handle that along with the realisation that more than likely all of it is my fault as I've been told numerous times from my parents. Even today they said they wished I'd never come home to visit for the summer, so I guess Isolation is the key. If you can't be around people you can't hurt them and they can't hurt you?
Sorry for another lengthy post
 Faye Lang, RN, MSW - Mon Aug 09, 2010 10:12 pm

Hello kazzie89,

It may be helpful to remember that adolescence can extend into the early to mid-twenties, along with the searching for identity and all that goes with it. I'm sorry that there has been an issue of "fault", because that indicates wrong doing. Emotional issues are not wrong - they just "are." However, as an adult, you are accountable for taking care of yourself. Talking about oneself is not easy, particularly when it's uncomfortable or painful to do so. However, if you broke a bone, you would get appropriate care. If you developed a physical disease, you would seek appropriate treatment. It's no different with emotional disturbances - if you are having difficulty, then seeing an appropriate therapist or psychiatrist and learning to talk about your issues is the responsible thing to do. It may not be easy, but it may be necessary. Treatment providers use their own judgment about how best to proceed, but they should not and do not judge you as a person. Isolation is not likely the key, but it may be helpful to live apart from your parents, if at all possible.

Keep us informed, and I wish you the best possible outcome.

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